Holiday Gift Giving Guide, WEEK 1

Hey sex fans,

It’s Product Review Friday again. And today we launch our 3rd annual Holiday Gift Giving Guide. Over the next five weeks we will feature a boatload of adult products for naughty boys and girls.

We have numerous manufacturers and retailers participating with us this year. So we will bring you an array of goodies from high-end pleasure objects to inexpensive novelty items. I can pretty much guarantee that this year’s guide will have something for everyone.

Let’s start off with two products from our friends at Good Vibrations.

Night of Romance Kit —— $18.00

Good Clean Love Lubricant —— $16.00

Here’s a mighty big handful of pleasure from the good folks at Funwares.

Nexus Max 5 —— $69.95

Glenn & Hank
Glenn: “This here is the Nexus Max 5. The package says it’s a G-spot massager. But, if you ask me, it should also say it’s a P-spot massager.”
Hank: “Glenn thinks everything belongs in his ass.”
Glenn: “That’s not exactly true. But, for the most part, if a toy is designed for G-spot stimulation it’ll probably work wonders on your prostate too. That being said, I’ll admit that the Nexus Max 5 is not for beginners!”
Hank: “That’s an understatement. I couldn’t get the first knob on the insertable end past my rosebud.”
Glenn: “Yep, this is a professional grade insertable, that’s for sure. But for a talented power bottom like me, there’s nothing too it.”
Hank: “I love the shape of it. The Nexus Max 5 is made of medical grade silicone, which is one of the safest and most hygienic sex toy materials available. It’s completely smooth and when you lube it up, with a water-based lube, (and make sure you only use water-based lube) it’s slick and slippery and basically slides into Glenn’s ass like a hot knife through butter.”
Glenn: “The unique shape of the Nexus Max 5 makes it so easy to handle, even when lubed up. You, or your partner, can get a real good grip on the thing. And you can power-fuck your ass with it too, although most guys will probably just use it as a butt plug. Here’s the thing, if you can’t easily insert at least two or three fingers in your hole, this toy is not for you.”
Hank: “I swear my man has the most talented ass in town. It’s been known to swallow my entire fist, so the Nexus Max 5 is a cakewalk for him. It comes with a removable bullet vibe, which has 3 variable speeds of vibration. It runs on one of those little round watch batteries and it comes already loaded with a battery right out of the package.”
Glenn: “There are also these cool little nubs or cleats on the vibe housing that land on my taint (perineum) when the Nexus Max 5 lodged inside my ass. My sphincter can grab hold of the notched neck of this baby and keep it nestled inside for as long as I like. And unlike a lot of the other P-spot vibes on the market that are designed for the ass-play novice, this one fills me up nicely. The vibration is strong enough so that I can feel it all through my pelvis; my dick, my balls, everything is having a good time at once.”
Hank: “This is a high quality toy. It’s rugged, manly and it’s jet black. It’s non-porous, phthalate-free, hypoallergenic, latex free and the silicone is food-grade. ”
Glenn: “And because this toy is high-grade silicone, cleanup and even sterilization is a snap. Wash it down with soap and water; wipe it down with a lint-free towel moistened with peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution, drop it in boiling water for a few minutes; or put it in the top rack of your dishwasher. Be sure to remove the bullet vibe for these last two options.”
Hank: “The Nexus Max 5 comes in a simple, but attractive package; just a folded plastic box really. There’s a small foldout booklet inside the package that offers instructions for prostrate massage.”
Glenn: “If there’s someone on your shopping list with an ass talent like mine, or you want to be one of the big boys when you grow up, the Nexus Max 5 is the ideal gift. The box could easily be wrapped for gift-giving.”

Now we welcome a brand new manufacturer to our review family. Just about everyone’s favorite high-class video production house, Digital Playground is not making sex toys too. We have two to share with you today.

Riley’s Pleasure Ring w/ Silver Bullet —— $24.99

Ken & Denise
Ken: “Denise and I are huge fans of Digital Playground. In fact our all time favorite movie is Pirates.”
Denise: “So imagine our delight when we heard that Digital Playground is now producing a line of sex toys with the Pirates theme.”
Ken: “Think of it as an adult version of the movie themed toys kids get at a fast food outlet.”
Denise: “We scored the Riley’s Pleasure Ring w/ Silver Bullet for review. It’s named after the porn star, Riley Steele, who appears in Pirates 2.”
Ken: “You get this white stretchy cockring that is molded with skulls and a hook to keep with the pirate theme. It’s pretty funny, actually. Anyhow, there’s a barrel shaped thingy on the top of the ring, this is where the silver bullet attaches to the ring in a horizontal fashion.”
Denise: “It is pretty comical, but it works! The bullet has 3 speeds and two pulse settings for variety. It’s amazing what they’re able to do with bullet vibes these days. It used to be, and not so long ago, they were only one speed.”
Ken: “Yeah, it work great as a vibe holder, but not so great as a cockring. I’m used to a much more snug ring. The Riley’s Pleasure Ring is way too stretchy to have any constriction capacity.”
Denise: “The Riley’s Pleasure Ring is made of TPE; Thermoplastic elastomer, sometimes referred to as thermoplastic rubber. Curiously enough the package is more about advertising the movies and the Pirates toy collection than about the materials used in the toy. The package does say that it is phthalate-free. So there’s that. I did look online for more product information, but didn’t find any. The Digital Playground website did say that the toy comes with a complimentary lined satin storage/travel pouch. But ours didn’t. It also says ‘Crystal enhanced handle’. WHAT? I think they need to review their ad copy.”
Ken: “The vibe is activated by a single push button which cycles it through its different settings; pretty straight forward. It takes three watch batteries and they are included in the package. You do not want to put any lube on the vibe before inserting it into the ring, that will make the bullet slip from its holder.”
Denise: “The ring itself is pretty easily cleaned with hot soap and water, but it really can’t be sterilized. The bullet is splash-proof so you can only can wipe it down with a lint-free towel moistened with peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution.”
Ken: “I’m gonna come right out and say it. I was expecting a lot more from a Digital Playground product. They make such great movies; clearly a lot of thought and money go into making them. But the Riley’s Pleasure Ring is just kitsch.”
Denise: “I have to agree. The vibrating cockring is a great idea, but this one is sub par, at least the ring part is. It seems like their only thought was to cash in on the Pirates theme; not a lot of thought went into making a quality product, which is really unfortunate.”

Jesse Jane’s Pirate Booty Stroker —— $24.99

Brad
Jesse Jane is my favorite porn star. I think I have at least a half dozen of her movies, including the two Pirates movies. So when I saw the Jesse Jane’s Pirate Booty Stroker at Dr Dick’s place, I asked if I could review it.

I want to start my review with how the stroker looks in its package. The clear molded plastic case features a totally hot pic of Ms Jane in her pirate costume. You can see the Jesse Jane’s Pirate Booty Stroker through the clear plastic and it looks like an ice sculpture. Very cool! I know ya can’t tell a book by its cover, but the presentation is totally hot, especially for a Jesse Jane fan, like me.

I opened the package and fished out the jelly-like stroker. It’s made of Cyberskin, which really soft, floppy and squishy. I have to say; upon closer inspection of the stroker outside the package, it is a little eerie. It’s like this see-through elf of a Jesse Jane. There’s also a sweet smell to it, almost like strawberry shortcake. I kid you not.

The thing about this stroker is that it has two small apertures at either end of Jesse’s tiny body — one where her asshole would be and the other at her mouth. Since you can see right through her body, you can also see the textured canal that is supposed to surround your dick when you fuck this thing. I mean that’s what a masturbator is all about, right?

Right off the bat I’m thinkin’ I’m never gonna get my 7.5” thick cock into the Jesse Jane’s Pirate Booty Stroker no matter how stretchy the Cyberskin is. But I proceeded anyhow. I got my favorite water-based lube; it’s the only kind of lube I’d ever use with Cyberskin. Funny, there’s nothing on the package that would warn a user about that. In fact the package has no information about the care and handling of this special material. And that’s way too bad, because if you use the wrong kind of lube with Cyberskin it will disintegrate. And if you don’t care for it after each and every use, you will destroy it.

So anyhow, I lube up the stroker and I’m trying to figure out a way to shimmy my boner into it when I finally give up. I realize the Jesse Jane’s Pirate Booty Stroker is not made for someone with my endowment. Bummer! This would probably be a great masturbation sleeve for someone with an average sized cock.

I love the feel of Cyberskin, it makes for some fantastic sensations. But it has certain drawbacks. Cleaning it is a bitch. I was able to submerge the Jesse Jane’s Pirate Booty Stroker into a sink of warm soapy water, but it’s impossible to turn it inside out to get it completely clean. I was having enough problems cleaning out the lube; but had I also dropped a load of spunk in there as well, it would have been even a bigger headache.

You also have to remember to dust Cyberskin with body powder or cornstarch once it is thoroughly dry. If you forget this essential step the toy will become so tacky and sticky that you won’t be able to use it again. But powdering the ribbed canal inside this stroker is nearly impossible, again because you can’t turn it inside out. You also need to store Cyberskin apart for your other toys too. I keep mine in a plastic bag.

I want to close with what I think I know about us guys and how we jerkoff. We love to wank! We love to cum! We love to make a mess! But we absolutely hate the cleanup. That’s why most of us will dump our load in a dirty sock, a wad of Kleenex, an old tee shirt or a towel. Once the bust-a-nut event is over, we don’t want to think anymore about it. Now a masturbator that isn’t easy to clean, one that takes a load of special care will be fun for a time, but then the novelty probably won’t last.

I’d love to be proven wrong about this, but until I hear otherwise, I’m gonna stick to my guns.

ENJOY