Product Review Friday is back again and we have an interesting group of products from our friends at SexToy.com.
Dr Dick Review Crew members — Gina & Kevin and Karen do the honors. So let’s get right to it.
Ultra Harness 2000 For Men —— $80.51
Gina & Kevin
Kevin: “We have the hot set up for you! This here is the Ultra Harness 2000 For Men. And I haven’t had so much fun in ages. I know you’ve all heard about strap-ons for women, right? Well this is a strap-on for men. I kid you not!”
Gina: “So you’re probably wondering, why would a guy need a strap-on when he already has his ‘tool’ dangling between his legs. Ever hear of erectile dysfunction? Or say a guy wants to please his partner with a little, or a lot more than what nature gave him. Or say there’s some hot double penetration play in the offing, but only one partner.”
Kevin: “There ya go; took the words right out of my mouth. Actually the Ultra Harness 2000 For Men is a kit. It comes with the three-way fully adjustable all leather harness, which expands up to 44 inches in the waist; a realistic looking 7”x1.75” dildo; and an adjustable or detachable butt plug. They thought of everything.”
Gina: “Although this thing is designed for a man, and they have a version for women, I was able to wear the Ultra Harness 2000 too. But I think it would be cool to get the harness designed for women and decide which I liked best.”
Kevin: “The Ultra Harness 2000 come with the patented Vac-U-Lock technology that uses a plastic plug to attach the dong to the harness. It’s brilliant, really! Plus you can buy an array of attachments and accessories.”
Gina: “Speaking of attachments; we will also be reviewing, the Kong Realistic attachment today too.”
Kevin: “I’m like totally game for new experiences and so even though I don’t have ED, and my cock is a generous size, and Gina is not into double penetration; I strapped on the Ultra Harness 2000 with the dildo that came in the package. You see the harness has a hole in it that you put your own cock and balls through and snap it closed. Then I adjusted the very hefty butt plug and sank it in my ass. This took more time than I expected, because it is considerably bigger than I am used to.”
Gina: “Once he had the whole thing arranged he called me in the room. There he stood with two raging hardons, one of which was dripping precum like crazy. It was a site to behold.”
Kevin: “You can blame the butt plug for all the precum. I was filled to the hilt, so to speak.”
Gina: “We slipped a condom on the dong and Kevin had a ball fucking me with both of his cocks. It was a riot! You should know that I won’t insert a dildo made of this soft material inside me. It’s fun to look at and play with, but I won’t insert it without a condom.”
Kevin: “A condom is a must for any dildo made of this kind of realistic feel material, because this stuff is very porous and it can’t be sterilized. And if it can’t be sterilized, it can’t be shared. Oh, and you can only use a water-based lube with this thing.”
Gina: “You should also prepare yourself for the odor that emanates from the box when first opened. It’s a sickly sweet smell that is pretty overpowering. This was another reason that I didn’t want that dong in my box. I insisted that Kevin air the thing out in the garage for a couple of days till the smell dissipated. The off gas tells me the materials used in this toy are probably toxic to some degree. I would also guess that they contain phthalates, PVC and possibly latex. So be warned!”
Kevin: “I second that! Too bad this stuff, that feels so flesh-like, has to be made of such dubious material. Once we were finished with our first play session with the Ultra Harness 2000 cleanup began. I un-strapped the harness; slowly pulled out the butt plug; and carried the whole thing to the sink. The butt plug was easier to detach than the dong. I washed them both in warm soapy water, rinsed them thoroughly and left them to air dry. I dusted the dong with cornstarch and stored it in a plastic bag to keep it from getting all tacky or linty, as this realistic squishy material will do. I pretty much decided that the butt plug was too big for me to wear longer than a short while. So if they don’t have smaller sizes available to replace this big one, I’ll just use one of my other. smaller ones next time. The butt plug doesn’t really need to be attached to the harness to provide the stimulation you look for in a plug.”
Gina: “A good time was had by all. And you can’t beat the visuals. It’s pretty amazing.”
Vac-U-Lock Kong Realistic —— $39.03
Gina & Kevin
Gina: “Hello again. This review is basically a continuation of the Ultra Harness 2000 review we just posted. We decided to review these products together because, well they belong together.”
Kevin: “In the Ultra Harness 2000 review we mentioned that there are a number of different attachments and accessories that you can buy for your harness. Well, the Vac-U-Lock Kong Realistic is one such attachment.”
Gina: “This is one gigantic dong, folks! It’s actually scary in its realistic appearance. It even has faux pubic hair. I know, WTF? And this isn’t even the biggest model they make, but I digress.”
Kevin: “Gina’s right; when I pulled this thing out of the box, I went ‘DAMN!’ It’s made of a soft, lifelike material that makes the Kong Realistic look so realistic. But as we learned in the previous review; that comes at a price. The off gas that you smell when you first open the box tells us the materials used in this toy are toxic to some degree. We also suspect that they contain phthalates, PVC and possibly latex. This is not necessarily a problem, just so long as you don’t use the thing internally without a condom.”
Gina: “That’s right; use a condom when you play with this thing. Not just for health concerns, but for clean up too. The Kong Realistic is made of a very porous material and it can’t be sterilized. And if it can’t be sterilized, it can’t be shared. And you can only use a water-based lube with it.”
Kevin: “So ok, this time around Gina used the harness. The Ultra Harness 2000 we have is designed for a man but she says it fits her too. Attaching the Kong Realistic is easy with the patented Vac-U-Lock technology, which uses a plastic plug to attach the dong to the harness.”
Gina: “The Kong Realistic is so massive I could hardly believe my eyes when I looked at myself in the mirror. No wonder guys with huge dicks think they rule the world.”
Kevin: “I looked at the dong warily too. This would be the biggest thing I’ve had in my ass to date. Would I even be able to do it? I warmed up my ass with a decent sized plug. And when I thought I was ready, I gave Gina the green light. She slipped on a condom and looked at me with an evil gaze.”
Gina: “Ok, are you gonna tell them, or am I?”
Kevin: “Gina’s referring to the qualms I had about the realistic look of the Kong Realistic. I don’t know why this became an issue with me, but it did. I’ve been into my ass for years now. I love butt plugs and I love it when Gina straps one on and pegs me. But in the past all this ass play has been with toys that didn’t look so realistic.”
Gina: “I noticed Kevin’s hesitation and asked him what was wrong. At first I thought it was the size of the Kong Realistic. I realized only after he told me that it was the realistic look of the thing that troubled him.”
Kevin: “I’ll admit, I had a moment of gay panic; so sue me!”
Gina: “We laughed about it afterward, but I certainly appreciate what he was going through. Guys are so funny that way.”
Kevin: “Anyway, once I processed the whole gay thing — it isn’t the shape and size of what ya put up your ass that makes a person gay, it left my mind. Actually, it was a great tada moment. I then thoroughly enjoyed the mighty Kong Realistic in my hole. And I gotta tell you, Gina has become quite the cocksmith; she really knows how to throw a fuck.”
Gina: “Yeah, I want a real dick in my next life.”
Kevin: “Even though I could barely walk after that ass-ult, I did the cleanup. I wiped down the harness and washed the Kong Realistic in warm soapy water, rinsed it thoroughly and left it to air dry. I dusted it with cornstarch and stored it in a plastic bag to keep it from getting all tacky or linty, as this realistic squishy material will do.
Silicone Taffy Tickler Water G —— $25.19
Karen
I took the Silicone Taffy Tickler Water G from its packaging hoping against hope that the prickly surface of the toy would be soft and pliable. But my hopes were soon dashed. I wondered to myself; who designed this thing, the Marquis de Sade? And if the Taffy Tickler is really made of silicone as the package says, I’ll eat my hat. It doesn’t feel or smelllike any of the other quality silicone toys I own.
The Taffy Tickler is designed as a G-spot vibe, as the curved tip suggests. My only question is who has a tough enough pussy to withstand the insertion of something akin to a scrub brush. I certainly don’t! Not that I didn’t try. Like the good little reviewer that I am, I did try. First I used it externally. Despite being very sensitive in my genital area, I did find that if I lightly dragged the Taffy Tickler over my pussy lips and above my clit, the sensations were pleasurable. Next, while sitting up, I just laid the Taffy Tickler with the vibration on high (it has one of those rheostat sort of controllers) between my legs and against my pussy. This was a very interesting sensation too. It sent shivers down my spine.
But insertion was impossible for me and I like girthy toys! Even with the loads of water-based lube that I used on it; it didn’t smooth the way. The lube just got lost in the crevices and I couldn’t even get the tip fully inserted. This has got to be the biggest disaster of my Dr Dick Review Crew career.
Alas, the Taffy Tickler never got anywhere near my G-spot. It is waterproof though; so there’s that.
Once my disappointment subsided I did discover something really lovely. The Taffy Tickler makes a wonderful scalp massager.
ENJOY!