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What’s the difference between abstinence and celibacy?

— Many young people are abstaining from sex and call themselves celibate. But what’s the difference between abstinence vs celibacy?

By Daryl Austin

Once thought to be largely motivated by religious beliefs, celibacy has become a popular way for people to reconnect with themselves, gain control over sexual desires and find more meaningful relationships. Some people refraining from sex say they practice abstinence — but is there a difference between abstinence and celibacy?

A multitude of influencers and celebrities have publicly touted not having sex. Actor Andrew Garfield has been public about trying out celibacy for a time; ditto for Justin Bieber. Musician Lenny Kravitz said in an interview that he has been celibate for years for spiritual reasons; and singer and model Suki Waterhouse has credited her “bout of celibacy” for helping her end up in a happy relationship with boyfriend Robert Pattinson.

According to Psychology Today research from July 2024, about 1 in 6 women and 1 in 10 men say they are deliberately taking a break from sex and dating,

While experts can’t isolate the increasing rates of celibacy or abstinence to one factor alone, they do speak about some of the reasons more people are engaging in the practice — plus some of the upsides or downsides that may come from doing so.

Are abstinence and celibacy the same thing? 

Sexual abstinence and celibacy are both terms that refer to choosing not to have sex or partake in certain sexual behaviors, and they are often used interchangeably. However, they differ depending on the intention behind not having sex.

“Celibacy is often associated with religious vows or motivation,” Kim Polinder, a certified relationship coach and the host of the podcast “Engineering Love,” tells TODAY.com.

When one chooses celibacy for spiritual reasons, it usually means refraining from all sexual activity, whereas abstinence usually means refraining from specific sexual activities for a specific time period or under specific circumstances, such as wanting to wait to have sex until marriage. “Abstinence can be more flexible,” where celibacy is more of “a long-term choice,” she says.

Brooke Sprowl, a licensed therapist and the clinical director of My LA Therapy in California, agrees. “Celibacy is a conscious, often long-term commitment rooted in deeper personal or spiritual beliefs,” she tells TODAY.com.

“When someone chooses celibacy, they’re often embracing a lifestyle that prioritizes their emotional, spiritual or personal growth over the complexities that sexual relationships can bring — a choice that’s intertwined with a larger purpose but doesn’t have to be related to spiritual devotion.”

Can you kiss and still be celibate?

Some people practicing celibacy kiss, whereas others do not. That’s because the specific sexual activities a person chooses to refrain from are entirely up to the individual.

“When people define themselves as celibate, whether for a period of time or as a lifestyle commitment, they can place the boundary wherever they choose,” Dr. Donald Cole, a licensed marriage and family counselor and clinical director of the Gottman Institute in Seattle, tells TODAY.com.

Some people, he says, choose no sexual activity at all. Others allow only kissing, some choose to draw the line at the touching of breasts or genitals, and others say only intercourse is off limits.

“The key is that celibacy is a personal decision, with each person defining what it means for them based on their unique motivations and values,” says Sprowl.

Why do people choose to be celibate? 

There are a variety of reasons people choose to be celibate.

Religion or spirituality

“Ascribing to religious or spiritual beliefs is the most common reason for celibacy,” Dr. Paul Turek, a men’s fertility physician and the director of the Turek Clinic in San Francisco, tells TODAY.com.

When motivated by religious beliefs, Polinder says that celibacy can help one better focus on spiritual service and a deeper connection to a higher power.

“Others might choose celibacy for purity reasons, such as ‘saving yourself’ before marriage, to maintain moral integrity, or as a way to create space for focusing on personal growth,” she says.

Taking control of one’s body

“Abstinence is … a way to assert control over one’s physical body, rejecting societal pressures or expectations around expected sexual behavior,” says Polinder.

Individuals who have experienced sexual trauma might also choose celibacy or abstinence “to heal from the negative experience,” says Cole.

Improving relationship quality

Sometimes, Sprowl says, individuals choose celibacy or abstinence “as a way to break free from unhealthy patterns of codependency or to avoid the emotional entanglements … that can come with sexual relationships.”

Polinder explains that “other people wish to remain celibate while in a relationship until a certain level of trust and commitment are achieved.”

Avoiding health risks of sex

“Some people choose celibacy to avoid certain consequences of having sex — including painful sex, sexually transmitted infections, unwanted pregnancy or undesired emotions,” Turek adds.

What are the benefits of being celibate? 

“The benefits of celibacy can be profound,” says Sprowl.

Self-reflection

The first benefit Sprowl points to is “allowing individuals to better understand their own needs and desires without the complications that often accompany sexual relationships.” It can also “(offer) a space for deep self-reflection and the development of a stronger sense of self.”

Personal growth

Cole says celibacy can help one focus more time and energy “on work, education or personal growth.” It can also facilitate healing from a negative relationship or provide a sense of safety, “as meeting people and beginning relationships sometimes creates unexpected dangers and anxieties, which are avoided by celibacy.”

Turek adds: “Celibacy can also bolster personal character traits such as restraint, patience and compassion.”

Avoiding health risks from sex

Turek says that abstaining from sex also has the practical benefits of no longer needing birth control, lowering risk of sexually transmitted infections and avoiding unplanned pregnancies.

Prioritizing emotional intimacy

Celibacy can give a couple in a new relationship “the opportunity to focus on their friendship first in order to create more meaningful emotional intimacy rather than sexual chemistry alone,” says Polinder. “Abstinence can remove the emotional roller coaster ride that can accompany sexual relationships.”

Are there downsides to being celibate? 

“Celibacy isn’t without its challenges,” says Sprowl. It can sometimes lead to feelings of loneliness or isolation, “particularly if the choice to be celibate results in fewer intimate relationships.”

If the decision to practice celibacy isn’t adequately thought out, it can “lead to internal conflict, frustration, or feelings of shame,” she adds.

Polinder agrees: “A lack of intimate connection with others can lead to a heightened sense of disconnection and loneliness if one is not prepared for this lifestyle choice.”

In other circumstances, “celibacy may lead to sexual frustration and feeling overwhelmed, inadequate or uncool,” adds Turek.

And if your romantic partner is not aligned with your celibacy or abstinence commitment, “the decision can strain the relationship or lead to maladaptive behaviors within the relationship,” says Cole.

But if you’ve heard that celibacy can affect male fertility, Turek says not to worry: “The reality is that celibacy has no effect on fertility potential, as the male body has ways of keeping fertility fresh though nocturnal emissions.”

How long to be celibate

If you’re interested in trying out celibacy to see if it improves your wellbeing, there’s no specific amount of time you must refrain from sex in order to notice benefits, the experts say.

That’s why Polinder suggests starting with a trial period, such as a few months. “The trial period allows you to re-evaluate matters at the end without losing integrity with yourself for not pursuing it indefinitely,” she explains.

To decide how long to be celibate, you should also have a clear goal for your celibacy. This way, when you feel you’ve achieved it, you can assess if you want to continue with the practice, Polinder says.

Last, be hyperaware of any changes in your circumstances or motivations for being celibate, Turek advises. Experiencing more negatives than positives may be a sign you’ve have tried celibacy for long enough.

Tips for trying celibacy

The No. 1 tip from experts is to make sure you have clear goals for the period of time you’re abstaining from sex.

To help make your celibacy journey more successful, you should also feel confident that you have “sufficient emotional awareness and maturity to navigate (celibacy’s) complexities,” Sprowl says.

“It’s also beneficial to seek guidance, whether through therapy or supportive communities, to help navigate any challenges that arise and to ensure that your practice of celibacy is fulfilling and … contributes to your overall mental, spiritual and emotional wellbeing,” she adds.

Polinder says it’s important to keep checking in with yourself about how the practice is making you feel and affecting your relationships. For example, are you feeling more centered and grounded, or experiencing loneliness and frustration?

Turek cautions that celibacy isn’t for everyone.

“What’s key is to do it for yourself and no one else,” he says. “Otherwise confusion, resentment, self-blame and guilt will surface and erase intended benefits. … Celibacy should be followed as long as the sum total of benefits outweigh the negative.”

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You’ve Heard Of 69, But What’s 68?

— Your Guide To The Sex Position

By Amanda Chatel

There’s a good chance you’ve heard of the 69 position, maybe even before you could really wrap your brain around the concept. The position — two bodies on top of each other, facing opposite directions, and simultaneously stimulating each other orally — can be a hotly debated topic amongst friends. There are people who love 69-ing and those who’ve realized not only is 69-ing not for them, but they completely loathe the position. Luckily, we live in a world of options, one of which is a little something called the 68 position.

“The [68] position is a very relaxing one, you are actually laying there to receive rather than being expected to do something in return,” certified sex and relationship psychotherapist Gigi Engle tells Cosmopolitan UK. “A lot of the time, when women and people with vulvas have problems with orgasm, it’s because they don’t think that they have an entitlement to pleasure, due to the way that they have been socialized to be givers and to always be servicing other people,” says Engle. “This position really lends itself to just laying back and enjoying.”

To get a better understanding of the 68 position, Women exclusively talked to sexologist Marla Renee Stewart, MA, sexpert for Lovers sexual wellness brand and retailer. If you’ve never heard of this gem of a position, then here’s everything you need to know.

How 68 differs from 69

The biggest difference between the 68 and 69 positions is that only one person is being orally stimulated. But similar to 69, your bodies are still stacked and facing opposite directions. One partner lays down on their back, while the other partner lays on top of them, facing the opposite direction, but face up. Each partner should have their feet firmly on the ground with their knees bent and legs comfortably spread enough to receive oral sex. It may take some experimentation the first time around, but every sex position takes a bit of work when initially explored.

“People may find the 68 position better than the 69 because of multiple reasons,” Stewart tells Women. For starters, height differences between partners can mess with alignment of the genitals and mouths for 69-ing, she says. There’s also the matter of trying to get your head in the game during 69-ing, which for some people can be near impossible. “If they’re unable to multitask, the 68 is ideal because they only have to be concentrating on one kind of behavior,” says Stewart. “It’s also helpful if you just want to concentrate on your pleasure without any distractions like genitals in your face.”

Advantages to 68 sex position

The biggest advantage that the 68 sex position has to offer (and is the real selling point), is that each partner is able to concentrate better while giving oral, as well be more present while receiving, Stewart says. There’s also the fact that 68 allows for a “spectacular view,” she points out. Let’s be honest, during 69-ing your partner’s genitals are so close to your face that your sense of sight is pretty much deprived. All you can really see is just flesh and more flesh, and not the particulars. For people who need visual stimulation to become aroused and stay aroused, 69 just doesn’t do it. But with 68, it’s all right there — and not just your partner’s genitals, but their body and face too. It can be really sexy to make eye contact with your partner during oral sex — something you never get in the 69 position.

How to truly enhance the experience

Despite the fact that only one person is giving oral in the 68 position, both partners can still stay active. It takes two to tango, which means that just because you’re not giving oral, it’s not okay to mentally check out. When you do, you’re denying both you and your partner what can be a really intense and intimate experience.

“You should always be active unless your role is to be passive,” says Stewart. “As an active person in the sexual experience, that means that you are giving feedback (moans, talking, etc.) to let your partner know how you’re feeling.” After all, communication (all forms of it) keeps the momentum going and allows both partners to know that they’re on the same page.

If your partner is new or it’s a one-night stand, be sure to communicate beforehand as well. Having sex with someone you just met can be really exciting, like opening a gift, but because sex is an umbrella term for so many sexual acts, you want at least a glimpse of what you’re both into — especially if there’s the possibility of having to navigate a kink gap. “Know which tactics that they have as sexual assets that will titillate your partner in the ways that they like,” says Stewart. “Being able to connect to your lover authentically is a great way to foster trust, safety, and security.” Also, don’t forget to tackle the consent chat before you do anything.

Things to consider before diving into 68

Not every body is able to move in the exact same way, and it’s important to keep that in mind whether you’re planning to 68, 69, do it doggy style, or try some super advanced position you come across in the Kama Sutra. Just because something exists, it doesn’t mean everyone can (or should) do it. “When doing [the 68] position, keep in mind your physical limitations and be cognizant of your physical abilities,” says Stewart. “Nothing is worse than getting into a position you think you like and then having it be ruined by a body part that is too achy or unable to withstand the sexual experience.”

It’s also worth noting that sex-related injuries are far more common than you might think. According to a survey by Superdrug Online Doctor, a whopping 62% of people in a roughly 1,000-person survey reported injuring themselves during sex. Among the sex positions most likely to result in an injury? Doggy style — for people with vulvas and people with penises. So ease your way into the 68 position, make sure both you and your partner are comfy, then let the oral stimulation commence.

6 Reasons Why 69-Ing May Not Be The Best Sex Position For You

Somewhere down the line, every person is introduced to the 69 position. In most cases, they hear about it first and, depending on your age and sexual experience, the mere idea of it can be perplexing. We’re talking about a position in which two people are facing opposing directions — as in head-to-toes — and giving each other oral sex at the same time. Why? Who came up with this? As if it weren’t hard enough to garner the necessary stamina and confidence to be on top, let alone this.

Like a lot of sex positions, this one goes way back. It appears in the Kama Sutra, which was written somewhere between 400 BCE and 200 CE, and is explained as “When a man and woman lie down in an inverted order, with the head of one toward the feet of the other, and carry on this congress, it is called the Congress of a Crow.” But how the name evolved from “congress of a cow” to 69 can be attributed to, of course, the French — leave it to the French to come up with a pretty term for anything sex-related. At the beginning of the French Revolution a sex manual entitled “The Whore’s Catechisms” was published and in it, this notorious position was renamed “soixante-neuf,” the French translation for sixty-nine. And the name stuck.

Although there are those who love 69-ing, for many it’s not a great position for a slew of reasons. If you don’t love, or even like 69-ing, you’re not alone.

Height differences

It’s pretty rare that you come across a couple who are the exact same height, especially in cishet relationships. However, if two people want to pull off a 69 and make it enjoyable enough to be an almost-perfect situation, then being the same height is key. Granted, a couple of inches in height differentiation aren’t a big deal, but if you’re five-foot and your partner is six-two, that’s quite a disparity and 69 isn’t likely to be the best fit for you two.

“69’ing is not actually ‘nice,’” a Reddit user wrote. “If both partners aren’t well-matched in how tall they are, it just doesn’t work well … One person lies on the bottom and is kind of crushed. If you don’t orgasm simultaneously, it’s just awkward.”

Although there’s the debate that if you perform 69 on your sides, there’s no crushing involved even if the two partners aren’t remotely close in height, it can still be tricky. If you and your partner have a mismatched height situation, then skip 69.

It involves too much multi-tasking

Some people aren’t multitaskers. They don’t have it in their DNA and that’s fine! If the world were full of only multitaskers, far too much would be accomplished and, honestly, we don’t really need that. The 69 position is multitasking and then some. Just think about the position and what it entails from both partners: attention to detail, being totally present, and trying to offer up some really great oral sex while also trying to focus on your own pleasure.

“Female perspective: There’s too much going on at once,” wrote a Reddit user. “It’s almost impossible to concentrate if the other person is doing a good job. If the other person isn’t doing a good job then why bother with bells and whistles for them if they are just lapping at you like a thirsty dog drinking water … It’s a totally overhyped sex position.”

Contrary to the belief that cis men are into 69-ing, this Reddit comment got a very apropos response: “Male here and I 100% agree with you,” wrote the Reddit user. “I can’t speak to fellatio, but I know cunnilingus takes some concentration to be done well. So 69 is like doing math problems while on a roller coaster: you won’t enjoy the coaster and you’ll f*** up the math. It’s better for everyone involved to just take turns … I put 69 in the same category as shower sex and beach sex. They sound nice on paper but are typically disappointing in practice.” There’s no sense in giving and receiving mediocre oral sex when you can give and receive fantastic oral when you subtract multitasking from the scenario.

It’s not orgasm-friendly

As the Reddit users pointed out, with all that’s going on, concentration goes out the window. When that happens, having an orgasm is hard for both partners — no matter if they’re penis owners or vulva owners. Even if your end game in 69 isn’t focused on climaxing, your brain is still immersed in things that you normally wouldn’t be thinking about if you and your partner partook in oral sex one at a time.

For example, there’s all that lovely face-smothering that can make breathing a bit of a challenge. Then there’s that distracting lapping and sucking sound that, when oral is performed on each person one at a time, isn’t as noticeable because there are things like moaning and being able to lose yourself in the moment fully. During 69, you can become overly aware of things you wouldn’t normally even notice. For those with a vulva, trying to orgasm is often difficult enough.

“[The media] has been guilty of telling women how orgasms are supposed to happen,” clinical psychologist and sex educator Lawrence Siegel told Healthline. “To have an orgasm you have to be able to let go and allow it to happen, which is an issue for a lot of people … People wonder if they’re pleasing their partner enough, or they get self-conscious about their own bodies in certain positions. Porn is a big misconception about how people are ‘supposed’ to look, feel, and react during sex. And a lot of that is fake.” If you’re someone who struggles to orgasm with a partner or without one and want to orgasm with your oral sex, then 69 probably isn’t for you.

You can’t communicate

According to a 2018 study published in Sex and Marital Therapy, ultimate sexual satisfaction is directly linked to communication — this includes both verbal and non-verbal. But when you’re 69-ing, you can’t verbally communicate (for obvious reasons), nor can you non-verbally communicate, again, for obvious reasons. It’s not exactly the most forgiving position when it comes to movement that would let you non-verbally communicate to your partner that you’re enjoying a technique, disliking something they’re doing, or if they moved their tongue a little to left, things would feel much better. You’re sort of trapped in a locked-in position, both mouths full of genitals, and minimal ability to communicate what you want to tell them.

People who like to talk during sex and feel comfortable expressing what they’re experiencing, giving direction, or are open to receiving direction, aren’t likely to find satisfaction in 69. Sure, you can “uh-huh” with your throat, but that’s about it — especially if your bodies are really close and you have a penis in your mouth that you have to struggle to get out of your mouth to say even one word. Also, if you’re not awkward about dirty talk and are really into it while being intimate, it’s definitely not happening during 69.

It can actually leave you with some pain

Two words: neck pain. Anyone who’s ever tried 69 laying down, either one on top of the other or side-by-side knows that neck pain, if you hold the position too long, is a given. Certain parts of the body aren’t made to be held in specific positions for extended periods of time, so when these areas are pushed to the limit, pain inevitably follows.

According to a survey of over 1000 Europeans and Americans by Superdrug Online Doctor, 62% of people reported experiencing sex-related injuries at some point in their life. Although doggy style appears to be the most dangerous for those with vulvas and missionary the most precarious for penis owners, 69 is also on the list. As the survey found 2.6% of penis owners and 1.4% of vulva owners have been victims of 69ing gone awry. While the survey didn’t say how these injuries occurred or what they were, they still happened. There’s also the risk of an over-excited person wielding their penis in a way that can get a little aggressive.

“It’s not uncommon for an enthusiastic penis-haver to press down a bit too far into their partner’s mouth, restricting airflow and causing a bit of discomfort,” sex and relationships therapist Stefani Goerlich, LMSW-Clinical, LISW told Insider. If you’re accident-prone, already have some aches and pains that you’d prefer not to add to, or you’re a big fan of breathing while engaging in sexual activity, then maybe look toward other sex positions instead of 69.

It’s not conducive to summer weather

As you’ve probably noticed, people get horny in the summer. We have the sun, more skin showing, holidays, and just a general upbeat attitude about life as a whole. So, naturally, sex is on the brain for a lot of people — and research proves it. According to a 2013 study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, a five-year-long analysis found that once summer rolls around, Google searches for porn, prostitution, and online dating skyrocket. The study noted that the findings further prove that seasonal trends around STIs, condom sales, and abortions increasing as well. But while many people may be in the mood to get it on, there’s one position you shouldn’t get into when things are hot and sweaty.

“The 69 position is best avoided because it obviously means bodies are super-close together, rubbing down,” sex expert Ruby Payne told LadBible. “And even if you do it on the side, there’s more contact with the bed fabrics … Stick to the ‘unmutual’ kind of oral in a heatwave.”

That’s right; a sex expert has actually advised against summer 69-ing. If July and August are your months to sexually shine before Labor Day, then 69 isn’t for you. But guess what? That’s totally okay! Despite what we see in porn, most people aren’t 69-ing all the time. In fact, a 2015 survey by Uncovering Intimacy found that only 17% of people favor the 69 position for oral sex, while 46% prefer laying on their back with their partner between their legs. So there you go — you’re not alone and there are many of us, so you’re in fabulous company.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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The seven things only a sex therapist will tell you

— If your sex life is awkward, unenjoyable or simply non-existent, a sex therapist shares her top tips to improve intimacy

By

As a sex therapist, I make space for people to let go of what they think should be happening and move towards what they truly desire. I often see clients who are stuck in their sex lives, or not having the kind of pleasure they want. There are seven key things I have learnt in my time as a sex therapist that can help individuals break free and improve their sex lives.

If people avoid talking about sex, it is often for the wrong reasons

It’s so common for people to be avoidant about the topic of sex that the underlying reasons for it are rarely even considered. I have found that at the root of any avoidance or awkwardness there is usually something the individual has catastrophised. They avoid talking about sex as, unconsciously, they believe that doing so could reveal catastrophic truths, such as that their partner totally fantasises about someone else or that others are far more competent in the bedroom than they are. These unexamined worst fears are rarely the reality.

A client may say “I think he really doesn’t find me attractive anymore, since I’ve given birth” and my response is “OK, but what makes you think that, have you asked him? Have you asked what might be going on with him, or been curious about the changes in your sex life?”

If I could give only one piece of advice, it would be to let go of assumptions and expectations and find out what is going on with your partner.

Shame is the ultimate passion killer

Individuals often carry unconscious shame, which can greatly impact desire. Feelings of shame may be linked to negative sexual experiences but shame can date back to childhood. It can be surprising for people to realise that their sex life is being affected by beliefs and feelings originally unrelated to sex. For example, a child may have learnt to be ashamed of their own needs if they were expected to suppress them in favour of other people’s. As an adult, this may cause them to focus only on their partner and to totally disconnect from their own pleasure and enjoyment. In therapy, this relates to what we call conditions of worth: believing that we are worthy only if we meet certain conditions. Unpicking these conditions of worth can pave the way for far greater passion.

One particular client, a single woman in her 30s, was struggling with sexual shame. We talked about a difficult sexual experience and she came to the realisation that the experience had not been consensual. Once she was able to see this for what it actually was, and to think about how her body had felt, the shame began to dissipate. She then reframed the experience as sexual assault. It was a tough realisation, but this alignment was ultimately incredibly freeing for her.

Libido and orgasm type can be changed

Many aspects of a sexual relationship can be transformed by therapeutic work. A mismatched libido is very common but there is great potential for sex drives to become more in sync. There is a playful erotic exercise which can be really helpful: the couple ‘show and tell’ by demonstrating to each other what they like through self-pleasure. Couples find this game-changing for increasing their desire and libido and I highly recommend anyone in a trusting partnership try this exercise.

Similarly, people may have a fixed way to reach orgasm, but this too can change. By spending time focussing on their senses and exploring touch, they may discover, for example, that they can orgasm from nipple play.

A recently divorced woman in her 50s came to see me because she was feeling lost within her sexual self. She had been a wife and a parent for more than half her life and was keen to enter into a new form of relationship and sexual adventure but didn’t know where to start. After working on self pleasure and becoming more aware of her body’s responses, she found that she had a new fantasy life, focussed on being dominant rather than submitting. She went from low confidence and self-worth to loving her body and feeling empowered about having choices; she was reminded that her relationships, and her life, were in her control.

An achievement mindset is not helpful when it comes to sex

Goal-orientated pressure can really diminish sex. This can be particularly apparent for clients who are trying to conceive, as the pressure of timing can lead to difficulty maintaining an erection. But striving to ‘achieve’ can cause psychosexual issues in many other scenarios. People who experience issues such as vaginismus, erectile dysfunction, delayed, early or absent ejaculation will often be feeling a great deal of pressure – from a partner, societal norms, or themselves.

People would be far less concerned about achieving certain sexual goals if they knew the wide variation in people’s experience and knowledge. Some women are unfamiliar with their own genitals; some married couples have never had sex; some men do not know how to perform penetration. I see couples, for example, who have been to the doctors for their struggle with conception; yet when they come to see me and we talk it becomes apparent that penetration isn’t actually occurring. Little to no sexual experience is far more common than many would assume.

Planning sex can be genuinely sexy – plus it reduces the risk of rejection

People tend to expect that there should be total spontaneity in their sex life; that they should be having unpredictable sex every other day of the week, on the kitchen counter; and that it should all just ‘happen’. However, for most people, life simply gets in the way. The expectation of spontaneity also means that sex isn’t talked about beforehand; couples assume they should be completely aligned and just know what each other wants. But this is unrealistic.

People are usually resistant to planning sex, but it can be very sexy and erotic – communication throughout the day about the where and the when can build up the arousal. Equally, deciding in advance not to have sex, feels so much better than one person spontaneously initiating, only to have the other person turn away.

Planning sex was transformative for a couple in their 30s who, when they first came to see me, thought they would never be able to have sex again. The woman had MS, the man had painful arthritic hips, and every time they tried to have sex one or both of them would be in pain and take days to recover. Attempting to have sex had become a tense and sad experience. Initially we worked on building intimacy and connection through non-penetrative exercises, then we thought carefully about their bodies and came up with different sexual positions for them to try including the use of supportive cushions. They were delighted to be able to be intimate in these new ways.

Authenticity, not perceived attractiveness, is what is important

So many people, regardless of gender, have negative feelings about their body, worry about their appearance or about being ‘enough’ for their partner. But it’s not looks that make a satisfying sexual connection: it is feelings – genuine and authentic feelings. Authenticity is the antidote to shame and insecurity and the key to intimacy.

If people are struggling with insecurity we can look at the relationship; whether they are accepted for who they are, and whether they take pride in all that their body does for them. Working with people around their truth, their authentic self, is powerful.

There is such a thing as sex homework

Sex homework can involve journaling, self exploration exercises or whole body massage. But a classic sex homework task is to temporarily avoid penetration. This removes the perceived goal from sex and allows for more focus on sensations and emotions. This can be transformative for people, even if they’ve been having sex together for years.

It is my hope that, regardless of where they are now, people can release fear and shame and experience more joy and pleasure. Which is often easier than they think!

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Can Meditation Actually Save Your Sex Life?

— Bringing mindfulness to the bedroom

By Wendy Wisner

Sex and meditation are not two things we tend to think of as a pairing. One is typically quiet, relaxing, peaceful, and still. The other is, well…sex.

But meditation is not just about sitting crossed legged on the floor and trying to empty your mind. Meditation is simply being mindful. That can happen during a formal meditation practice, while taking a walk, washing the dishes, as well as including “body-centered techniques”, such as focusing on sensory perceptions.1

So what happens when you combine sensory-focused meditation and mindfulness with sex? Well, you get something called sexual meditation. “Sexual meditation is the practice of combining meditation techniques with sexual activity or intimate connection to deepen physical and emotional awareness,” says Sophie Cress, LMFT, licensed marriage and family therapist at SexualAlpha. “Its purpose is to enhance the sexual experience by fostering a state of mindfulness, where both partners are fully present and attuned to each other.” Research shows that combining mindfulness with sex can increase sexual health and satisfaction.2

Ready to take a deep dive into meditation and sexuality, including how to practice more meditative sex, either alone or with a partner? We’ve got you covered.

Understanding Sexual Meditation

The concept of sexual meditation is fairly open-ended. It’s simply when you combine sex or sexuality with ideas of mindfulness and meditation. That can look different for different folks.

Shamyra Howard, LCSW, AASECT, certified sex therapist and sexologist at Lovehoney Group, defines sexual mediation like this: “Sexual meditation involves focusing on the present moment and being fully aware of sensations, emotions, and thoughts during sexual activity, whether solo or with a partner.”

Sexual meditation combines the practice of mindfulness and the concept of body awareness3 by focusing on breath and sensation without judgment. “It’s all about allowing yourself to exist and feel all the feels,” Howard says.

Sexual meditation is a conversation between the mind and body, and it’s a process of expressing gratitude for what your body can do and feel in the moment.
— SHAMYRA HOWARD, LCSW, AASECT

Brian Tierney, PhD, licensed psychologist at The Somatic Doctor, describes sexual meditation as a “presence practice,” or a type of body awareness discipline that enables a person to develop the capacity to perceive more and more pleasure. “The purpose is to take more delight in life, to experience the expansive pleasure of having a body-in-relationship,” he says.

“Sexual meditation can delightfully combine the benefits of a mindfulness practice—the training of the mind to remain present, usually by noticing how much it escapes to the past and future—with an expansion of body awareness so that every nook and cranny of the body can tingle with a maximum amount of pleasure from moment to moment,” Dr. Tierney adds.

Exploring the Connection Between Meditation and Sexuality

Meditation and sexuality are more connected than many of us realize, says Howard. That’s because sexuality is not just about sexual pleasure or gratification. “Sexuality includes emotional, psychological, and social dimensions,” she says. “It’s a fluid aspect of human identity that incorporates our sexual preferences, desires, behaviors, and expressions.” and is influenced by not only biology but psychological and social factors as well.4

In other words, sex already has some aspects of mindfulness in it, because you can’t experience sexual pleasure without being attuned to your senses. What adding mindfulness does to the equation is that it can make sex all the more pleasurable. “The benefits of sexual meditation include enhanced arousal, desire, orgasm, and overall sexual well-being,” Howard describes.

Techniques for Sexual Meditation

Alright, let’s get down to business. How exactly can you integrate sexual meditation practices into your sex life?

First, it’s important to note that many people have complicated relationships with their bodies, which may be related to pain, past traumas, disability or body image concerns. For that reason, when practicing sexual meditation, it is important to move at a pace that feels comfortable to you. Second, sexual meditation and mindful body awareness is something you can do solo, or with a partner. It’s really up to you, and the techniques described below work in both instances. However you are doing it, Cress recommends starting by setting the mood. “To practice sexual meditation, one can begin by setting a calm, intentional environment free from distractions,” she advises.

Howard shared her top tips for getting started with your sexual meditation practice:

Breathe

Howard suggests breathing slowly with your eyes closed, in through your mouth and out through your nose. “Place one hand on your belly and the other on your genital area, and as you breathe in and out, think of what would feel good, no judgment,” she explains. “It’s okay if you get a genital response, and it’s OK if you don’t.” You’re just here to feel and explore.

If you are with a partner, you can breathe together this way. “Then, you and your partner can place a hand on each other’s genitals while breathing together,” Howard suggests. Again, keep it a no judgment zone, just letting each other feel whatever you feel.

Take it Slow

Mediative sex is usually by its nature, very slow—slow and intentional. This can be great for many people, but also has challenges. “This slow sensory experience can bring up different emotions and feelings,” Howard shares. “Some people laugh, some cry, some have the best orgasm they’ve ever had. Remember, this isn’t a time to judge yourself. This is a time to allow yourself to feel.”

Feel the Feels

Mindful sex is all about letting yourself lean into whatever sensation you are feeling, and just really feel them. Howard suggests paying attention to textures, temperature, and pressure.

Ask yourself questions like, “What does it feel like when you breathe in and out?” or “How does your or your partner’s genital area feel under or in your hand?”

Howard suggests slowly rubbing your hands over different body parts, placing your attention on skin texture and temperature. If you are with a partner, you can “use your mouth to tell your partner where to touch you,” Howard says. “Or use your hand to guide your partner to where you’d like them to touch you.”

Practice Delaying Orgasm

Howard recommends sinking into each moment during sex, feeling each sensation deliberately. “During partnered sex, go slow and continue to focus on sensations,” Howard says. “Pay attention to sounds, smells, and tastes to keep you grounded in the moment.”

Often, this slowness means not rushing to “get off” or orgasm. “Practice edging or delaying orgasm at least three times and focus on the sensations only,” she suggests. Sometimes you may not end up orgasming at all, but often you will, and you may find that these orgasms are super intense and pleasurable.

Benefits of Integrating Meditation and Sexuality

Sexual mediation has numerous benefits—just take it from Dr. Tierney, a huge proponent of sexual meditation, both personally, and for his clients. For him, sexual meditation is about taking sex slowly, so that you can focus on each sensory moment.

“The simple story for me is that when I finally learned how to engage in slow sex, to truly divest from chasing orgasms, it felt like I lost my virginity again (seriously),” he shares.

Dr. Tierney also shared some client stories, which illustrate some of the benefits of integrating mediation and sexuality:

  • “One couple felt like they were starting their marriage over again after 26 years of being together.”
  • “Another couple laughed so hard while they were practicing slow sex that they had to take a pause, not because they were reaching 8.88 on the orgasm scale, but because their ribs started cramping up.”
  • “Another couple realized that they had been avoiding looking at each other during sex for decades and decided to make more eye contact: it completely transformed their love live and radically diminished their highly-entrenched conflicts which were basically a result of them not seeing eye-to-eye.”

The research on the benefits of meditative sex mostly focuses on women, with several studies finding that women who meditate experience increase sexual function.5 The experts we spoke to say that sexual meditation isn’t just beneficial for women, and it doesn’t just make you have better sex or orgasms.

According to Cress, the benefits of sexual meditation include:

  • Enhanced emotional intimacy
  • Improved sexual satisfaction
  • Reduced performance anxiety
  • Better communication between partners
  • Helping people overcome sexual blocks or inhibition by promoting self-awareness and relaxation
  • More meaningful and pleasurable sexual experiences

Addressing Common Questions and Concerns

While sexual meditation may sound awesome on paper, but that doesn’t mean people won’t experience doubts or concerns.

One concern people have is that sex should not be a discipline—because the idea of discipline runs counter to the idea of sex and letting go, says Dr. Tierney. But this is a misconception, according to Dr. Tierney, and the benefits of the practice outweigh any doubts about intentionality or scheduling.

“This is a hang-up that should be left behind if you want to meet your pleasure and bliss potential together,” he says. If your goal is mind-blowing, sensual sex, you should know that it often takes practice and discipline, Dr. Tierney says.

Another question people have about sexual meditation is: “Am I doing it right?” Howard says that any suggestions about sexual meditations are just that—suggestions. You get to decide what feels right for your body, and what meditative sex means to you. “Explore to find out what works best for you,” Howard recommends.

Finally, people often feel concern that sexual meditation will take out the mystery behind sex or make it less spontaneous or romantic. But Cress says you don’t need to worry about that. “With guidance and practice, individuals often find that sexual meditation enhances rather than detracts from the natural flow of intimacy, helping them to become more present and connected,” she assures.

Conclusion

If you are looking to have more sensational sex—sex where all of your senses are awakened and on fire—sexual meditation might be just what you need. Sexual meditation is just what it sounds like: it means practicing mindfulness, intentionality, and bodily/emotional awareness during sexual acts.2 It’s not for everyone, but people who practice it often experience increased pleasure, deeper connection, and more meaningful sex.

Please contact a licensed mental health professional or a sex educator if you would like more information about sexual meditation or if you have general questions about sex and sexuality.

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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How a survey of over 2,000 women in the 1920s changed the way Americans thought about female sexuality

In the 1920s, many women became more comfortable in their skin. But the facts of life remained in short supply.

By

American women still have fewer orgasms than men, according to new research that suggests that decades after the sexual revolution, the “orgasm gap” is still very much in effect.

One of the study’s lead authors at the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction told The New York Times that the gap persists because many Americans continue to “prioritize men’s pleasure and undervalue women’s sexual pleasure.”

As my research shows, these attitudes toward sexual pleasure have a long history.

But so do efforts to push back against them.

Almost a century ago, a pioneering American sex researcher named Katharine Bement Davis challenged the prevailing view that respectable women did not – and should not – experience sexual desire or have sex, except to please men or to have children.

Davis’s 1929 book, “Factors in the Sex Life of Twenty-Two Hundred Women,” completely upended this thinking.

By surveying everyday American women, she was able to show that it was completely normal for American women to have sex for the sake of pleasure.

An unlikely advocate for sexual liberation

Davis spent the first half of her career policing women’s sexuality, not promoting it.

In 1901, after earning her Ph.D. at the University of Chicago, Davis became superintendent of the New York State Reformatory for Women at Bedford Hills. While there, she studied the women in her care. Most female convicts, she concluded, were “immoral women.”

Davis’ efforts to enforce sexual morality drew the attention of philanthropist John D. Rockefeller Jr. In 1917, he invited her to lead his private agency, the Bureau of Social Hygiene, founded to study and combat prostitution and venereal disease.

During World War I, Davis promoted sex education to curb sexually transmitted infections among soldiers and civilians. Through this work, she became convinced that sexual ignorance – not sexual immorality – posed the greatest danger to women’s welfare.

Davis had long criticized the sexual double standard, which condoned men’s sexual experimentation but condemned women’s sexual experience.

Now, she also recognized that this double standard promoted women’s chastity at the expense of knowledge. She complained that discussions of women’s sexuality were “taboo,” which resulted in “distorted views, baffled speculation, and unfortunate experiences.”

Tackling a taboo topic

Insisting that Americans needed accurate information to achieve “a sane outlook on all matters pertaining to sex,” Davis made it her mission to teach women about sex.

But first, she needed to learn about women’s actual sexual experiences. Davis decided to undertake a large-scale study of what she called “the sex life of normal women.”

Davis’ approach was a dramatic departure from existing studies of “abnormal” sexuality focused on institutionalized populations. “Except on the pathological side,” she remarked, “sex is scientifically an unexplored country.”

Woman in white blouse seated in chair posing for a portrait next to a bouquet of flowers.
Katharine Bement Davis was frustrated by the double standard that celebrated men’s sexual experiences and condemned those of women.

By contrast, Davis explained, she wanted to understand “the woman who was not pathological mentally or physically.”

To that end, Davis distributed a detailed questionnaire to what she called “women of good standing in the community” from 1921 to 1923. The resulting study sample of 1,000 married women and 1,200 unmarried women was not representative – it skewed white, well-educated and well-to-do. But their responses allowed Davis to redefine female sexuality.

America’s first sexual revolution

Davis launched her study of women’s sexuality during what historians now refer to as America’s first sexual revolution. The second – and more well-known one – would take place in the 1960s.

In the 1920s, as one commentator noted, a “revolution in manners and morals” was underway. Sex suffused popular culture. Contestants in beauty pageants displayed their charms in skimpy bathing costumes and short skirts. Actresses flaunted their sex appeal on stage and screen.

New attitudes about sex affected the daily lives of average Americans, too. Young women throughout the nation adopted the sexy look of “flappers,” the term used for women who sported short skirts, rolled stockings and bobbed hair.

Prior to the 1920s, courtship often took place in the home, allowing parents to closely supervise couples. But the ubiquitous automobile – which one juvenile court judge had dubbed “a house of prostitution on wheels” – rendered adult chaperonage obsolete and granted young people unprecedented sexual freedom.

Meanwhile, birth control activists like Margaret Sanger and Mary Ware Dennett distributed contraceptive devices and disseminated sexual information in defiance of the Comstock Act of 1873, which had defined birth control and sex education as “obscene” and made circulating such materials a federal crime.

Sex, secrecy and shame

Even amid the nation’s first sexual revolution, the facts of life remained in short supply.

According to surveys Davis distributed to married women, only about half of the respondents believed that they had been “adequately prepared … for the sex side of marriage.”

After expanding her study to include unmarried women, Davis found that fewer than one-third of all participants received sex education from their parents.

Many women didn’t know how pregnancy occurred. Some had been unprepared even for menstruation. One recalled that when she experienced her first period, “I naturally thought I was bleeding to death.”

In place of information, many women imbibed shame. “Having acquired the feeling as a small child that any sex pleasure was shameful and a great sin,” as one respondent put it, some could never overcome their discomfort with sex. Another woman regarded all sexual thoughts as “something to be shunned like the devil.”

One response succinctly summarized the problem: “Our present secrecy, fear, and repression are responsible for most of our sex ills.”

Challenging the conspiracy of silence

Many women were eager to challenge what one called a “conspiracy of silence” surrounding female sexuality.

Study participants ended up providing Davis with over 10,000 pages of handwritten responses. She used this information to produce the nation’s first major study of women’s sexuality, a 400-plus page book brimming with both statistical data and personal stories.

“Factors in the Sex Life of Twenty-Two Hundred Women” covered a wide range of topics, ranging from sex education to sex play. Running throughout the entire work, however, was one central idea: Women liked sex.

Davis included data on birth control, same-sex relationships and masturbation. At the time, these practices were universally stigmatized and often criminalized. Yet significant proportions of study participants engaged in all these activities.

Nearly three-quarters of married respondents reported using contraceptives. Many probably took advantage of state laws allowing physicians to prescribe diaphragms to protect patients’ health. Surprisingly, nearly 1 in 10 women admitted having abortions, even though the procedure was illegal in every state.

More than half of unmarried women and nearly one-third of married women stated that they had experienced “intense emotional relationships” with other women. In each group, approximately half described those relationships as sexual. This was a remarkably high figure, given prevailing views of homosexuality as sexual deviance and state laws criminalizing homosexual acts.

Nearly 65% of unmarried women and more than 40% of married women reported masturbating. Since nearly all physicians and pastors condemned the practice, Davis assumed the actual numbers were even higher.

Davis’ data demonstrated that “normal” women experienced what one called “natural sex feeling.” In short, her study showed that many women enjoyed sex for its own sake.

Davis believed that reliable data would lead to “more satisfactory adjustments of the sex relationship.” In other words, better information would lead to better sex.

Davis paved the way for future studies that validate women’s sexual pleasure. While researching female sexuality, she established the National Research Council’s Committee for Research on the Problems of Sex. The Rockefeller-funded committee later subsidized Alfred Kinsey’s studies of human sexuality.

Davis’ legacy lives on. The findings from the Kinsey Institute’s latest study show that discussing sexual pleasure still matters, particularly for women. It also suggests that Americans’ understandings of sex have improved over the past century.

When Davis conducted her study in the 1920s, she found it “advisable” to define “orgasm” for participants who were unclear on the concept. Now, a generation of better-informed Americans ponder how to address a persistent “orgasm gap.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Can Orgasms Make You Smarter?

— Here’s What Experts Say

Various sections of the brain are activated during the Big O, including the limbic system.

By Kimberly Delarosa

No matter your relationship status or sexual preference, we all want to experience orgasm during sex. And why not? Studies show one of the benefits of orgasm is shutting down the thinking and logical part of our brain; a vacation for the overthinker. Instead, we drift off into an ecstasy of pleasure, a feeling that has inspired poetry, art, and songs for centuries.

While we always remember the feeling, there is a relationship between orgasms, the human brain, and overall health from gynecological and neurological perspectives. And since orgasms have a major effect on the brain, we reached out to experts to ask a simple question: Can orgasms make you smarter?

It’s an especially important question given the persisting orgasm gap. A recent study published by the journal Sexual Medicine found that 82% of men reported orgasm during their most recent casual sexual encounter—compared with only 32% of women. Since the 1970s (the age of female sexual empowerment), resources and information revolving around women’s sexual health has increased. Yet while women may have reached the era of sexual liberation in America, the gap in orgasm satisfaction is still significant. But why?

When it comes to sex for heterosexual couples, studies show that women have a lower orgasm rate due to different definitions of pleasure and satisfaction. “One of the biggest reasons women may struggle to orgasm is a lack of clitoral stimulation,” says Aliyah Moore, a certified sex therapist with a PhD in gender and sexuality studies. The majority of women require direct or indirect clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm, as the clitoris includes a large number of nerve endings that play an important part in sexual pleasure. Men prioritize penile-vaginal intercourse over more clitorally focused sexual activities. This seems to happen mainly in heterosexual relationships, as lesbian and bisexual women reported higher orgasm rates.

Another reason for the orgasm gap is the pressure of performance. “When women feel pressured—either by themselves or by their partner—to attain orgasm, it can cause tension, which makes it even more difficult. The emphasis switches from enjoying the sexual experience to satisfying an expectation, sometimes disrupting the natural rise to orgasm,” says Moore. Women also struggle to orgasm more with age due to hormonal changes, history of abuse, or chronic illnesses.

Low orgasm rates show there’s still more work to do in female sexual empowerment, especially since the deficit is depriving women of numerous health benefits. Ahead, neuroscientists and sex therapists break down how orgasms affect the brain, the physical benefits, and how to increase your orgasm rate overall.

Can orgasms make you smarter?

While there is not yet any concrete evidence that orgasms can boost intelligence, there is something to be said about what happens to the brain when a person reaches orgasm. According to research by Barry Komisaruk, PhD, a psychologist, neuroscientist, and professor at New Jersey’s Rutgers University, “more than 30 major brain systems are activated” during orgasm. Dr. Komisaruk specializes in identifying the brain regions that respond to genital stimulation to generate orgasm in women and men.

In a 2010 research study, Dr. Komisaruk found when a person reaches orgasm, various sections of the brain are activated, including the limbic system (responsible for memory) and the prefrontal cortex (responsible for problem-solving).

The brain produces waves of neurochemicals that activate brain regions during orgasm including the hypothalamic paraventricular nucleus, amygdala, hippocampus, and vagus nerve, among other places. These chemicals are released toward the spinal cord and increase brain activity. So while an orgasm won’t suddenly turn you into a genius, the neurochemicals released during this pleasurable experience can temporarily boost cognitive performance in certain areas.

What are the other benefits of orgasm?

Achieving orgasm regularly provides numerous physical benefits. While sexual activity has been known to release endorphins and oxytocin (resulting in feeling relaxed), orgasms through sex can help relieve menstrual pain, reduce stress, improve bladder control, and promote better sleep. In Dr. Komisaruk’s book The Science of Orgasms, women who engaged in sex during menstruation were less likely to develop endometriosis. It also helps regulate hormones, positively impacting mood and overall health. But that’s not all!

“Sex may also be associated with beauty, as it can increase levels of DHEA, a hormone which is thought to ward off depression and promote shiny hair, glowing skin, and bright eyes,” says Jessica O’Riley, PhD, a sexologist and relationship expert. “This explains the term sex glow.”

Regular sexual activity, whether with a partner or solitary, is associated with higher levels of estrogen, which is key for supporting skin health by increasing collagen and hyaluronic acid naturally. Sex is also a form of exercise and can help boost blood flow throughout the body, which helps reduce stress and has been linked with decreased risk of the common cold or flu and protection against viruses, including influenza.

How can you increase your orgasm rate for better health?

The answer is simple: solo play. Masturbation has been linked to an increase in positive body image and self-confidence when it comes to sex. Sofie Roos, licensed sexologist and couples therapist, suggests this is the first step to reaching sexual satisfaction and a consistent orgasm rate. “Discover yourself and understand your own body and how you can orgasm. Find what physical stimulation you need, such as what sex positions you like best, but also what angles, pressure, and pace you enjoy the most.”

If you’re not in a relationship and would prefer to fly solo, it doesn’t hurt to invest in a good vibrator. Companies like Kama, Omgyesa, and Quinn have taken the lead on sexual wellness, allowing women to experience sex in new and exciting ways.

If you’re in a relationship and want to increase your orgasm rate with your partner, the key is to have a real conversation about sex—not just dirty talk. “All couples have different ways of communicating around sex, and a great way to do it if you find it difficult is in places where you’re most comfortable, like a car ride or a walk,” says Roos.

This conversation can (and should) feel safe and open. “It helps to have a conversation starter to ease into the topic, like an icebreaker,” says Roos. “For example, you can say you saw an advertisement for this new couples’ sex toy that promised to give amazing orgasms and you’re curious to try it, or that you read about a sex position with a higher chance for women to orgasm—like cowgirl or doggy style—and ask if they want to try.”

Complete Article ↪HERE↩!

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Another Spring 2014 Q&A Show— Podcast #414 — 04/16/14

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Hey sex fans,

We’re back from spring break, so it’s time to turn our attention to the sexually worrisome in our audience. I have another swell Q&A show in store for you today. Each of my correspondents is eager to share his or her sex and relationship concerns with us. And I will do my level best to make my responses informative, enriching and maybe even a little entertaining.

kisses—M:F

  • Carmen is loosing her man to religion.
  • Chad has a big tit fetish.
  • Jamal has a big dick and doesn’t quite know what to do with it.
  • Joe asks about Hepatitis-B and oral sex.
  • Holly returns to tell me about life after her double mastectomy.

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Look for my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously, or just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

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Sex Advice With An Edge — Podcast #173 — 12/07/09

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Hey sex fans,

It’s all Q&A today.  We’re trying to clear the decks, as it were, before our well deserved holiday break, which is coming soon.  The Erotic Mind series will resume in the New Year with a slew of new and interesting erotic artists and authors who will share their work with us and discuss their creative process.

Among today’s correspondents we hear from:

  • Phil asks Tony Buff for watersports info.
  • Alyssa’s BF says dirty and insulting things to her when they fuck.
  • Baux is having a burning sensation in his hole.
  • Gary wants pills to grow his dick bigger.
  • We also have a bunch of sex guilt questions; sex toy for men questions; and pheromones questions.

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Look for all my podcasts on iTunes.  You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously. Just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

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Sex Advice With An Edge — Podcast #171 — 11/30/09

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Hey sex fans,

We’ll be winding up the year with our traditional Q&A format.  For the few weeks that remain before our well-deserved annual holiday break I’ll be addressing the concerns of the sexually worrisome that come to me as email and voicemail.  And if we have the time, we’ll be discussing everyone’s favorite topic; sex toys.  The Erotic Mind series will resume in the New Year with a slew of new and interesting erotic artists and authors who will share their work with us and discuss their creative process.

Among today’s correspondents are:

  • Jake wants to invite his straight male friends to a circle jerk.
  • Dennis can’t get his GF to blow him, or even jerk him off.
  • Tyler wants to know how to do a DP.
  • Uncircumcised Guy wants to get cut now that he’s an adult.
  • Anonymous wants to know what drips out his ass after gettin pegged.
  • We have a handjob question as well as some ass play and prostate questions.

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Look for all my podcasts on iTunes.  You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously. Just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

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Tony Buff, Part 2 – Podcast #170 – 11/25/09

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Hey sex fans,

It’s the day before Thanksgiving and I have the holiday treat you’ve all been waiting for.  Porn star, activist, educator, rigger and Dom. Tony Buff, Is back with us for more of his unique Sex EDGE-U-cation.

Part 1 of my chat with Tony, which appeared last week at this time, is the most popular interview podcast to date.  It broke all download records for a single podcast in a single week, so yea for that.  But wait, did you somehow miss last week’s installment?  We’ll that’s just not right!  But don’t worry; you can make it up.  All my podcasts are archived right here.  All ya have to do is use the site’s search function to your right; type in Podcast #168 and presto!  Don’t forget the #sign when you do your search

Tony and I discuss:

  • His fan base that includes loads of kinky women.
  • His polyamorous relations that includes Derek da Silva and Chris Yosef.
  • Open, honest communication the key to relationship success.
  • Power Play — how he started and his life now.
  • Being a power switch.
  • Exhilaration of creating scenes for his sub.
  • Cathartic and recreational aspects of BDSM.
  • The importance of working with sex positive & kink-positive healing and helping professionals.

Be sure to visit Tony on his kick-ass site HERE!

More of Tony & friends at work and play.

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Look for all my podcasts on iTunes.  You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously. Just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s Podcast is bought to you by: DR DICK’S  — HOW TO VIDEO LIBRARY.

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