Why We Need to Prioritize Pleasure-Centric Approaches in Sex Education

— The risk-reduction framework that guides most U.S. sex ed focuses almost exclusively on avoiding unintended pregnancy and STDs—overlooking other critical topics such as healthy relationships, consent and pleasure.

By and

In her essay collection Pleasure Activism, activist adrienne maree brown writes, “Pleasure activism asserts that we all need and deserve pleasure and that our social structures must reflect this. … Pleasure activism acts from an analysis that pleasure is a natural, safe and liberated part of life—and that we can offer each other tools and education to make sure sex, desire, connection, and other pleasures aren’t life-threatening or harming, but life-enriching.”

With a new school year in full swing and elections around the corner, it’s only normal that we’re feeling anxious about what could happen this fall. This is especially true for young people, whose sexual and reproductive freedom hangs in the balance as we face abortion bans, attacks on trans care, birth control and more. But what’s a better antidote for anxiety, than empowering youth with pleasure-centric tools and resources that allow them to reclaim control of their bodily autonomy?

Pleasure-inclusive sex education increases sexual self-esteem, sexual self-confidence and safe choices.

As the coordinator of a Youth Health Promoters program at Planned Parenthood of Greater New York, I meet throughout the year with a cohort of highly trained, high school-aged peer educators who facilitate evidence-based sexuality trainings to community partners and organizations. I encourage them to be agents of sex education amongst their peers in a way that feels accessible, shame-free and moves away from a ‘good versus bad’ binary thinking. In this role, I have real-time knowledge of the kind of methods that resonate with youth the most.

Talking about sex in a judgment-free and positive environment that makes participants feel empowered rather than ashamed or guilty, is far more effective than talking about infections or the risk of an unwanted pregnancy. When youth are immersed in a hyper-sexualized digital world and have unlimited access to information at their fingertips, the power of peer-to-peer training—paired with evidence-based knowledge and studies—could help them filter through all of it and build better discernment for a healthier sex life.

Despite being considered a leading state for sexual and reproductive health access, New York lags tremendously when it comes to comprehensive sex education.

  • According to a 2022 ACLU report, about 50 percent of high school students in New York reported engaging in sexual intercourse, and of these, only 11 percent reported using a prevention method to protect against unplanned pregnancy and STIs.
  • Teenagers ages 15 to 19 represent more than 50 percent of new STI cases in New York state, and 10 percent of New York teenagers report experiencing physical dating violence.
  • Comprehensive sex ed is not a requirement in most public school curriculums, and the few that do have them are often outdated, inaccurate and stigmatizing.

This lack of nuance and initiative is largely due to an approach that emphasizes abstinence and decenters pleasure.

According to a 2022 systemic review done by The Pleasure Project and The World Health Organization, pleasure-inclusive and -centric sex education increases sexual self-esteem, sexual self-confidence and safe choices. The review found that sexual health programs that include sexual desire: (1.) improve knowledge and attitudes around sex and (2.) increase condom use, which has direct implications for reductions in HIV and STIs. Developing sexual confidence can also prevent dating and sexual violence.

Pleasure-centric sex ed also helps create a more inclusive classroom environment for students who already face a myriad of biases when it comes to their sexuality and gender: LGBTQ+ students, BIPOC students, or students with learning or developmental disabilities. And if a systemic review isn’t enough, according to new nationwide polling commissioned by Planned Parenthood Federation of America, over 9 in 10 adults think it’s important for young people to have access to age-appropriate sex education that covers a wide range of topics.

When our sex education curriculums are already so precarious, we must think about effective approaches to comprehensive sex ed—which has proven more effective than abstinence programs and risk-focused messaging—and how we can ensure those approaches are prioritized in our classrooms.

While other aspects of comprehensive sex education are just as important—such as teaching youth about sexually transmitted infections, testing and treatment, or the different options for birth control—having a pleasure-centric approach empowers young people to make informed decisions and exhibit autonomy in how they engage with pleasure and sex, if at all.

What Does Pleasure-Centric Sex Ed Look Like?

Prioritizing pleasure-centric approaches in our classrooms could look like creating a curriculum that talks about masturbation as a healthy and safe way to explore sexuality. Contrary to a regressive belief that sex ed encourages young people to have sex, using the classroom to debunk all the myths associated with masturbation, does just the opposite: It allows young people to explore pleasure and preferences in their own bodies, without having to resort to a partner or a source outside of themselves.

By asking students to reflect on what’s important for them in relationships and encouraging effective communication around play, orgasms, preferences, consent or connection, we create an environment where any question is valid, where body parts and accurate terms are openly discussed, and where young people can resort to each other for fact-based information. When comprehensive sex education is pleasure-centric, it emphasizes that sexual activity should be pleasure-focused.

This year alone, at least 135 bills related to sex education have been introduced or implemented across the U.S., a majority of which would place more extreme restrictions on sex education in public schools and further digress our relationship with pleasure. At a time when sex education is increasingly under attack, not talking about sex gives the power away to anti-progress agents who are committed to tearing apart our reproductive rights and controlling our bodies.

By centering peer-to-peer conversations on what makes us feel good—physically, mentally and emotionally—we establish a culture where joy, freedom and autonomy are prioritized and healthier schools, communities and relationships are created.

In the words of adrienne maree brown: “We are in a time of fertile ground for learning how we align our pleasures with our values … and getting into a practice of saying an orgasmic yes together.”

We must make sure all of us—not only our youth—have the correct skills to navigate the ebbs and flows of our sexual and reproductive futures. But what better place to start, than in our classrooms?

Complete Article HERE!

An important piece is missing from the reproductive freedom debate

— Comprehensive sex education

By Meg Bartlett-Chase

During the recent debate with Gov. Tim Walz, U.S. Sen. J.D. Vance alluded once again to the myth of “post-birth abortions” when he referenced his (mis)understanding of Minnesota’s reproductive health care laws. He claimed that Walz signed a bill that allows “a doctor who presides over an abortion, where the baby survives, the doctor is under no obligation to provide lifesaving care to a baby who survives a botched late term abortion.”

Vance seemingly referred to the 2023 Legislature’s repeal of the “Born Alive Infants Protection Act.” The new law now allows parents to hold and show love to their infants born with fetal abnormalities often incompatible with life, while no longer mandating doctors perform medical interventions that have no chance of success.

This follows the presidential debate during which Donald Trump repeated his claim that abortions are being performed post-birth. While moderator Linsey Davis quickly fact-checked, “There is no state in the country where it is legal to kill a baby after it was born,” there remain voters who believe these harmful myths about abortion care. While fear and misplaced trust play a role, insufficient sex education policies lay the foundation that allows such persistent misunderstanding of pregnancy and abortion.

Thirty states require sex education, but 17 of them mandate an abstinence-only approach. Just three states both require sex education and establish that the education must be comprehensive (e.g., curriculum inclusive of a wide range of sexual, gender and relationship heath topics not limited to abstinence).

Unfortunately, Minnesota is not one of them — our state laws currently require only that schools teach sex education; that it is “technically accurate”; and that it covers abstinence.

Across the country, the state of sex education is not an accident.

Since the 1973 Roe v. Wade Supreme Court decision, opposition to abortion rights has gone hand in hand with dismantling sex education in public schools. It began with the 1970’s emergence of the Christian right in backlash to the era’s sexual revolution, and it’s continued to current day Project 2025. In each case, anti-abortion sentiments have accompanied restrictions on sex education under the umbrella of “family values.” These values often resulted in support for abstinence-only sex education, which prevents youth from accessing information about sexuality and pregnancy that does not involve waiting to have sex until marriage.

Anti-abortion advocates know that increased understanding of sex, reproduction and pregnancy encourages support for reproductive freedoms. Twenty-five states have either banned abortion or restricted it beyond what Roe v. Wade allowed before its fall in 2022. Meanwhile, in 2024, over 450 bills have been introduced around the country intending to restrict or remove sex education content or instruction from schools. Many of the states where the most restrictive sex education bills have been introduced — and passed — are states with abortion bans and restrictions.

The purposeful attacks on sex education in schools is exceptionally upsetting considering the consistent findings that high quality sex education reduces rates of unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases, while also improving social/emotional learning, increasing media literacy, and developing skills for preventing partner violence and fostering healthy relationships.

But anti-abortion politicians aren’t the only ones who realize this connection. Researchers presenting at the 2024 Southern Political Science Association Conference shared that knowledge about pregnancy “is significantly associated with more (pro-abortion rights) attitudes.” That relationship proved strong across study participants’ political beliefs and religious identities — both of which are often presented as main sources of abortion rights opinions.

Lack of pregnancy knowledge allows space for anti-abortion activists to frame abortion as a moral issue instead of a health care necessity. Take Ed Martin, a Republican Party platform leader at the 2024 RNC, who previously claimed on his podcast, Pro America, that “No abortion is ever performed to save the life of the mother — none, zero, zilch.” This rhetoric negates all the health complications of pregnancy, as well as the life-saving care required to treat them. The complexity and risks of pregnancy — like ectopic pregnancies that cannot be safely carried to term or preexisting health issues made more deadly by the bodily changes of growing a fetus — are too great to legislate in a way that allows true care for any and all who need, and yes choose, to access it.

Despite its widespread support, sex education is rarely included in the advocacy of reproductive rights organizations. Abortion rights are popular in this country, but not as popular as school-based sex education. While 67% of Americans support legal abortion in most or all cases, nearly 89% of Americans — and 90% of parents — believe sexual health education should be in schools. Notably, when Black women lead on abortion rights, they more often advocate for reproductive as well as parenting justice that includes sex education advocacy. The rest of us should take note.

This means taking a broader view of what advocating for reproductive rights looks like. Our methods for supporting pro-abortion rights candidates and organizations appear clear, but supporting sex education in our communities, states, and country requires a slightly different approach.

Education policies come from federal funding and standards, state laws, educational department standards, and local school districts. As the election looms and the school year has begun, consider the candidates at every level — especially the school board — on your ballot. While candidates and advocates are much more openly discussing abortion, sex education remains laden with the perception of controversy and stigma.

We can advance access to sexual health information that students need and deserve by talking about sex education and pushing candidates to do the same. This could be at school board meetings, town halls, caucuses, or by contacting candidates directly. Organizations like Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States, or SIECUS, and state-based nonprofits provide opportunities to use your voice for true reproductive freedom that can only come from informed and sexually literate communities.

Ensuring reproductive rights for future generations requires more than fighting for abortion access today. It means advocating for sex education policies that will prevent us from falling into traps of disinformation for decades to come.

Complete Article HERE!

Condoms are no longer a fact of life for young Americans.

— They’re an afterthought

Condoms are made available to students at the University of Mississippi campus in Oxford, Miss., Wednesday, Aug. 28, 2024.

By Devna Bose

It’s hard to miss the overflowing bowl of condoms at the entrance of the gym.

Some University of Mississippi students walking past after their workout snicker and point, and the few who step forward to consider grabbing a condom rethink it when their friends catch up, laughter trailing behind them. Almost no one actually reaches in to take one.

Though officials say they refill the bowl multiple times a day, and condoms are available at multiple places on campus, Ole Miss students say the disinterest is indicative of changing attitudes.

Fewer young people are having sex, but the teens and young adults who are sexually active aren’t using condoms as regularly, if at all. And people ages 15 to 24 made up half of new chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis cases in 2022.

The downward trend in condom usage is due to a few things: medical advancements like long-term birth control options and drugs that prevent sexually transmitted infections; a fading fear of contracting HIV; and widely varying degrees of sex education in high schools.

Is this the end of condoms? Not exactly. But it does have some public health experts thinking about how to help younger generations have safe sex, be aware of their options—condoms included—and get tested for STIs regularly.

“Old condom ads were meant to scare you, and all of us were scared for the longest time,” said Dr. Joseph Cherabie, medical director of the St. Louis HIV Prevention Training Center. “Now we’re trying to move away from that and focus more on what works for you.”

A shift in attitudes

Downtown Oxford was thrumming the day before the first football game of the season. The fall semester had just started.

Lines of college students with tequila-soda breath waited to be let in dim bars with loud music. Hands wandered, drifting into back pockets of jeans, and they leaned on one another.

It’s likely that many of those students didn’t use a condom, said Magan Perry, president of the college’s Public Health Student Association.

“Using a condom is just a big, ‘uh, no,’” the senior said.

Young women often have to initiate using condoms with men, she said, adding that she’s heard of men who tell a sexual partner they’ll just buy emergency contraception the next day instead.

“I’ve had friends who go home with a guy and say they’re not having sex unless they use a condom, and immediately the reaction is either a reluctant, ‘OK, fine,’ or ‘If you don’t trust me, then I shouldn’t even be here,’” Perry said. “They’re like, ‘Well, I’m not dirty, so why would I use them?’”

Women have long had the onus of preventing pregnancy or STIs, Cherabie said, and buying condoms or emergency contraceptives—which are often in a locked cabinet or behind a counter—can be an uncomfortable experience and “inserts a certain amount of shame,” Cherabie said.

If pregnancy risk has been the driving factor for condom usage among heterosexual couples, the fear of contracting HIV was the motivation for condom use among men who have sex with men.

But as that fear has subsided, so has condom use, according to a recent study that focused on a population of HIV-negative men who have sex with men.

Grindr, a popular gay dating app, even lists condom use under “kinks” instead of “health.” Things like that make Steven Goodreau, an HIV expert at the University of Washington who led the study, worry that the change in attitudes toward condoms is trickling down to younger generations.

Goodreau believes the promotion of pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP), a drug that prevents HIV, is overshadowing condoms as a prevention strategy. A strategic plan for federal HIV research through 2025 doesn’t mention condoms, and neither does the national Ending the HIV Epidemic plan.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention acknowledges that condoms are still an effective tool that can be used “alongside newer prevention strategies.”

“We know that condom use has declined among some groups, but they still have an important role to play in STI prevention,” said Dr. Bradley Stoner, director of the CDC’s Division of STD Prevention.

“Condoms can be accessed without navigating the health care system, can be used on-demand, are generally affordable and most importantly, they are effective at preventing HIV and STIs when used consistently and correctly.”

Medical advances allow for more options

Pleasure—for both men and women—has long been an undeniable factor for the lack of condom use, according to Dr. Cynthia Graham, a member of the Kinsey Institute team that studies condoms.

But more so, advances in medicine have expanded the options for both STI and pregnancy prevention.

Young cisgender women have been turning to contraceptive implants like intrauterine devices and birth control pills to keep from getting pregnant. And researchers say that once women are in committed relationships or have one sexual partner for a significant amount of time, they often switch to longer-term birth control methods.

Ole Miss junior Madeline Webb said she and her partner seem like outliers—they have been seeing each other for four years, but still use condoms. They also share the responsibility of buying condoms.

“People see condoms as an inconvenience … but they do serve a purpose even if you’re on birth control because there is always a chance of an STD,” Webb said.

A new drug on the market could mean even more STI prevention options for men and possibly women.

Doxycycline post-exposure prophylaxis, or doxy PEP, can be taken within 72 hours after unprotected sex and can help prevent chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis. It has to be prescribed by a doctor. Trials are still being conducted for women, but the drug is gaining traction among men who have sex with men and transgender women.

With widespread uptake, the drug has the potential to make a significant impact in STI prevention strategies.

“When PrEP came out, everyone was excited because it was one less thing to worry about in terms of HIV acquisition,” Cherabie said. “With another thing on board that can help decrease our likelihood of getting other STIs, on top of not having to worry about HIV, it gives our community and patients a little less anxiety about their sex lives.”

And in just a decade, PrEP has become a main preventive measure against HIV and other STIs for men who have sex with men—though it is disproportionately used by white men.

Condom use now is “pretty much a thing of the past” for men who have sex with men compared to the 1980s and early 1990s during the AIDS epidemic, said Andres Acosta Ardilla, a community outreach director at an Orlando-based nonprofit primary care clinic that focuses on Latinos with HIV.

“Part of what we have to talk about is that there is something enticing about having condomless sex,” Acosta Ardilla said. “And we have to, as people who are working in public health, plan for the fact that people will choose to have condomless sex.”

The fight over sex ed

Despite the relentless Southern sun, a handful of people representing various student organizations sat at tables in the heart of Ole Miss’ campus. Students walked past and grabbed buttons, wristbands and fidget toys. One table offered gold-packaged condoms—for cups to prevent drinks from being spiked.

Actual condoms are noticeably absent. They’re also absent in the state’s public schools.

Condom demonstrations are banned in Mississippi classrooms, and school districts can provide abstinence-only or “abstinence-plus” sexual education—both of which can involve discussing condoms and contraceptives.

Focus on the Family, an Christian organization that advocates for teaching abstinence until marriage, is concerned that comprehensive sex education “exposes students to explicit materials.” Abstinence-centered education is “age-appropriate” and keeps students safe and healthy, Focus on the Family analyst Jeff Johnston said in an emailed statement.

But Josh McCawley, deputy director of Teen Health Mississippi, an organization that works with youth to increase access to health resources, said the effects are clear.

“The obvious consequence is the rise of sexually transmitted infections, which is what we’re seeing right now, which can be a burden on the health care system,” he said, “but also there could be long-term consequences for young people in terms of thinking about what it means to be healthy and how to protect themselves, and that goes beyond a person’s sexual health.”

The latest CDC data from 2022 shows Mississippi has the highest teen birth rate in the country.

Scott Clements, who oversees health information for the state education department, was hesitant to criticize Mississippi’s sex education standards because they’re “legislatively mandated.”

“If the legislature wants to make changes to this, we will certainly follow their lead,” he added—though attempts to pass more advanced sexual education standards have died repeatedly in the Mississippi statehouse over the past eight years.

Nationally, there is no set standard for sex education, according to Michelle Slaybaugh, policy and advocacy director for the Sexuality Information and Education Council for the United States, which advocates for comprehensive sex ed.

Not every state mandates sex education. Some states emphasize abstinence. Less than half of states require information on contraception.

“There is no definitive way to describe what sex ed looks like from classroom to classroom, even in the same state, even in the same district,” Slaybaugh said, “because it will really be determined by who teaches it.”

Compare Mississippi to Oregon, which has extensive state standards that require all public school districts to teach medically accurate and comprehensive sexual education. Students in Portland are shown how to put on a condom starting in middle school and have access to free condoms at most high schools.

Lori Kuykendall of Dallas, who helped write abstinence-focused standards, said condom demonstrations like those in Portland “normalize sexual activity in a classroom full of young people who the majority of are not sexually active.” She also points to increasingly easy access to pornography — in which people typically do not wear condoms—is a contributing factor to the decline in condom use among young people.

Jenny Withycombe, the assistant director for health and physical education at Portland Public Schools, acknowledged the standards see pushback in the more conservative and rural parts of Oregon. But the idea is to prepare students for future interactions.

“Our job is to hopefully build the skills so that even if it’s been a while since the (condom) demo … the person has the skills to go seek out that information, whether it’s from the health center or other reliable and reputable resources,” Withycombe said.

Those standards seem to contribute to a more progressive view of condoms and sex in young adults, said Gavin Leonard, a senior at Reed College in Portland and a former peer advocate for the school’s sexual health and relationship program.

Leonard, who grew up in Memphis—not far from Oxford, Mississippi, said his peers at Reed may not consistently use condoms, but, in his experience, better understand the consequences of not doing so. They know their options, and they know how to access them.

Slaybaugh wants that level of education for Mississippi students—and the rest of the country.

“We would never send a soldier into war without training or the resources they need to keep themselves safe,” she said. “We would not send them into a battle without a helmet or a bulletproof vest. So why is it OK for us to send young people off to college without the information that they need to protect themselves?”

Complete Article HERE!

‘Gender Queer’

— Incident inspires film ‘A Book By Their Cover’

Scenes from the movie “A Book By Their Cover” which was filmed in Berkshire County.

“[Young people] need to have visibility, and they don’t need to learn about things covertly with shame,” said filmmaker John Tedeschi. “They should be given the same awkward chance of learning about sex, sexuality, sex education, and biology.”

By Shaw Israel Izikson

Inspired by controversial local events, Stockbridge filmmaker John Tedeschi has created the film “A Book By Their Cover.” In an interview with The Berkshire Edge, first-time screenwriter and movie director Tedeschi said that the movie is partially inspired by the controversy surrounding the Great Barrington Police Department’s investigation of a W.E.B. Du Bois Regional Middle School teacher over the book “Gender Queer.”

As of late September, the now-former teacher’s lawsuit over the incident continues to go through the court system. Tedeschi said that while the movie was partially inspired by the incident, other events around the country also influenced the film, including book bans connected to the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Queer (LGBTQ+) community.

“When I was listening to the meeting at the middle school that was held regarding the book, I felt that there is a need for that book to be available to some people, as long as it is age appropriate,” Tedeschi said.

The movie centers around 12-year-old Samantha, played by actress Eva Ferreira, who discovers a book while staying at her grandparent’s house. “She discovers a book on the bookshelf of their house, and it sort of piqued her curiosity,” Tedeschi said. “It’s a medical book. From that book, she starts to realize and learn things about herself. She thinks that she needs to read the book privately or covertly. As everyone in the house goes to bed, in the middle of the night Smantha comes down the stairs and reads the book.”

Tedeschi said that the medical book she reads was written in 1962. “She goes to the pages that say ‘homosexual’ on them,” Tedeschi said. “She is a little bit dismayed, confused, and scared. Samantha goes to school the next day, and the stress is aggravating and upsetting her. We see her go into the school bathroom, and she’s very frustrated and alone.”

Actress Eva Ferreira stars as 12-year-old Samantha.

Tedeschi explained that Samantha goes home to her parents and asks them questions. “Her parents don’t know all of the answers, but they are very supportive,” Tedeschi said. “They decide to get a book to help her.” Samantha’s parents give her the book “The Every Body Book: The LGBTQ+ Inclusive Guide for Kids about Sex, Gender, Bodies, and Families,” written in 2020 by Rachel Simon and illustrated by Noah Grigni.

Tedeschi said that trouble arises when Samantha takes the book to school. “During the school day, someone sees the book who doesn’t like it,” Tedeschi said. “That person [the school janitor] takes the book, confiscates it, and brings it to the principal. The principal brings the book to the superintendent, and in turn, the superintendent calls the police.”

Film director and writer John Tedeschi plays the character of “Carl Stallings,” a school janitor, who finds Samantha’s copy of “The Every Body Book” during a school day and confiscates it.

The movie then flashes forward to a town meeting during which various opinions are voiced about the book and the investigation.

The town meeting scene in “A Book By Their Cover.”

“But the book is eventually given back to Samantha,” Tedeschi said. “She is a bit shaken, but she feels that she can move forward, figure things out, and then start to feel better in time.”

When asked what he hopes audiences will get out of the film, Tedeschi said, “I hope people realize that resources are needed and are important for young people to feel that they are equal and visible.”

“[Young people] need to have visibility, and they don’t need to learn about things covertly with shame,” Tedeschi said. “They should be given the same awkward chance of learning about sex, sexuality, sex education, and biology. Children sometimes ask their parents how babies are made, and there’s this quick answer. But there’s not always the answer of adoption, or that there are other types of families out there. I feel like we need to be a little bit more updated and knowledgeable about the spectrum of various families and information.”

The film was filmed in Berkshire County. “We filmed a lot of it in Stockbridge,” Tedeschi said. “We were also able to use a middle school in Otis for some scenes.”

Tedeschi said that he is entering “A Book By Their Cover” in various festivals, and that the film will soon be available to watch on the Community Television of South Berkshires public access cable channel.

In an email to The Berkshire Edge after the interview, Tedeschi clarified:

… [T]he film is not a true story, it is not a film that uses the words ‘based on true or actual events’, and the characters are not intended to appear as any actual person. The film was inspired by many things, it is a mirror, as you said, of events but it is not the actual likeness.

Complete Article HERE!

10 things you need to know about sex and dating at university

By Serena Smith

Freshers’ week is nigh: as I write this, hordes of 18-year-olds are likely raiding their parents’ drawers for knives and forks, panic-buying overpriced clothes from Urban Outfitters, and fruitlessly trying to identify their future flatmates via a number of impenetrable Facebook Freshers’ groups.

If you are one of these lucky incoming students: good luck! While you’re probably excited at the prospect of moving somewhere where there’s a bit more to do than get drunk on a park bench and traipse around a desolate ‘retail park’, it’s also totally normal to feel anxious as Freshers’ week looms.

The first few weeks of university have a reputation for being fun, a little chaotic, and, yes, prime time for casual sex. But if you’re panicked at the thought of having to navigate it all, don’t fret – we’ve compiled a handy list of our ten best tips for how to approach dating, sex, and relationships in your first year of university.

DO BREAK UP WITH YOUR SIXTH FORM PARTNER

I’m sorry, but they are not the love of your life. Yes, even if you lost your virginity to them; even if the train between Leeds and Nottingham is only two hours long; even if you’ve already planned your one-year anniversary dinner at Pizza Express. If you don’t heed this warning, you will break up two years down the line and be forever haunted by the realisation that you a) blew your shot with the hot guy you met at the student union bar who now has a beautiful girlfriend and b) wasted £692 on Trainline tickets to Nottingham.

DON’T BECOME OBSESSED WITH THE FIRST PERSON (MAN) WHO IS NICE TO YOU

For those heading to uni already single, I get it; teenage boys are cruel and you’ve probably spent the last few years internalising the idea that you are ugly and freakish and fundamentally unlovable. But the first man to treat you with a modicum of respect probably isn’t the love of your life either. If anything he’s probably a mental narcissist who’s sniffed out how insecure you are and is planning on putting you through the ringer with some seriously fucked-up mind games (it’s not like I have firsthand experience of this or anything haha).

Then again, maybe this is a canon event for anyone with cripplingly low self-esteem, so go for it if you want, I guess. Character building etc x

Fanciable people are everywhere at uni: keep your eyes peeled and your heart open

DO FALL IN LOVE WITH EVERYONE

None of this is to say you ought to swear off dating during your first year of university: conversely, this is the perfect time to sow your wild oats. Try to find romance everywhere. Allow yourself to be delusional with it: why not kid yourself into thinking the fit guy in your English seminar is hopelessly in love with you because he said your thoughts on Heart of Darkness were “interesting”? Why not fantasise about the myriad ways you could possibly introduce yourself to the sweet-looking girl you always walk past in the library? Fanciable people are everywhere at uni: keep your eyes peeled and your heart open.

You might never shag – let alone speak to – most of these people, but that’s half the fun. “Fantasy love is much better than reality love” or whatever Andy Warhol said.

DO SHAG YOUR FRIENDS

Listen. Maybe this is bad advice, but I don’t care. You can’t say you think everyone on Hinge is ugly and narcissistic and then write off lovely Matt from the film society because ‘it would be weird’ because you’re ‘like brother and sister’. You are not like brother and sister: you met three weeks ago and have probably both fantasised about shagging one another. Get drunk and have a little kiss at least. Life’s too short.

(One caveat: do not shag your first-year flatmate. People repeat this advice for a reason.)

DO BUY A VIBRATOR

You don’t have to worry about your mum intercepting your Lovehoney parcel or hearing the muffled buzz of a bullet through your bedroom wall any longer – enjoy the freedom!

DON’T ‘FORGET’ TO CHANGE YOUR BED SHEETS FOR THE ENTIRETY OF YOUR FIRST TERM

This one is largely aimed at all the straight, male freshers of the world. It’s not nice to bring someone back to your room and expect them to get into sheets which reek of must and semen.

And while we’re on the topic, don’t be afraid to inject some personality into your room too. It doesn’t have to be Architectural Digest-worthy but most women will think you’re a serial killer if the only ‘decoration’ in your bedroom is a PS5 perched atop a sad pile of the textbooks needed for your course. Get a plant, at least.

DON’T BE WEIRD ABOUT CASUAL RELATIONSHIPS

Having casual sex with someone doesn’t mean you’ve got carte blanche to treat them like a sex toy with an annoying human appendage. Don’t bolt out the door as soon as you’ve wiped the cum off your thighs: stay for a glass of water and a cuddle and maybe an episode of something. Smile if you walk past them on campus. Reply to their texts in a timely manner. It’s not hard.

Having casual sex with someone doesn’t mean you’ve got carte blanche to treat them like a sex toy with an annoying human appendage

DO BE SAFE

On a more serious note, do use condoms and try to remember to carry them with you (whether you have a dick or not).

Plus, if you haven’t already, it’s a good idea to consider some form of long-term contraception if you’re worried about an unplanned pregnancy (PSA for anyone with prudish parents: they don’t need to know. You’re an adult. It’s your business, not theirs).

If you have had unprotected sex, get tested: you can access STI and STD testing at a local sexual health clinic or GP surgery. You can also order free and discreet tests online. If you’re worried about an unplanned pregnancy, you can also get the morning after pill from most sexual health clinics, GP surgeries, or pharmacies. You may also be able to get the it for free on the NHS, but you may have to pay at pharmacies like Boots. Men: if any of your sexual partners has to pay for the morning after pill, don’t be a dick – split the cost with them.

DON’T DITCH YOUR FRIENDS FOR A PARTNER

Not because you’ll have no shoulder to cry on if things go south with your partner – more because it’s just a shitty thing to do to your friends. Your mates will carry you through uni, and if you’ve got good ones, they’ll carry you through post-grad life too. Don’t treat them like they’re playing second fiddle to your partner.

DO HAVE FUN

Navigating love and sex at uni is not easy by any means. One day you will probably find yourself sobbing into your McDonald’s order over a man who doesn’t care if you live or die. You will probably call one of your Hinge matches while drunk and say something so toe-curlingly embarrassing that the next day you’ll look into the logistics of transferring to the University of Strathclyde. You will probably break someone’s heart too. But university is probably the first and last time in your life where you will be parachuted into the midst of a ready-made community of hot, interesting people, with all the time in the world to go on dates, have sex, and, yes, even fall in love. Make the most of it.

Complete Article HERE!

10 Men’s Sexual Health Questions That Are Too Embarrassing to Ask

Sometimes asking questions about sex can be embarrassing—even for adults. Here are questions ranging from alcohol and sex to ejaculation disorders. Sometimes asking questions about sex can be embarrassing—even for adults. Here are ten common questions men ask their Men’s Health providers at University of Utah Health ranging from alcohol and sex to ejaculation disorders.

1. Do Different Sex Positions Increase or Decrease Chances of Pregnancy?

No. Regardless of what sexual position you use, vaginal sex can cause pregnancy.

2. Can I Drink Alcohol With Viagra and Cialis?

Yes, there will not be a bad interaction between the two. Keep in mind that when you drink alcohol, your erection may not be as firm and the medication may not work as well.

3. Is There a Surgery That Can Increase the Size of My Penis?

Even an implanted penile prosthetic will not increase the size of your penis. If you are overweight, getting to your ideal body weight will help restore some of the length you have lost since gaining weight.

Many men will ask about injections to add girth and if there is a procedure to increase penis length. The AUA (American Urological Association) considers fat injections (to increase penile girth) and suspensory ligament division surgery (to increase length) to be unsafe and ineffective.

4. Is My Penis Average in Size Compared to Other Men?

This is a question that is hard to answer, and one that many men wonder about. There are many different techniques to measure penis length, including the amount of force the clinician uses to stretch the penis.

Also, some men will see a significant change in penis length once it is erect. Others will notice that their penis only becomes more rigid. There is not a number that men should set as their benchmark.

Some medical conditions and surgical procedures can reduce the length of your penis. We cannot always restore the length you lose.

The biggest take-home for patients regarding this is to keep a healthy weight. Get care if you feel like your erections are not rigid enough or if you have other concerns about your penis.

5. How Long Should My Erection Last During Sex?

The answer to this question is completely different per person. There is not a standard time that all men should be able to maintain an erection.

For most men, the goal is to get an erection that is rigid enough for penetrative sex and that lasts until both partners are satisfied. We counsel patients that if an erection has lasted over three to four hours and is painful, they should get care with the nearest emergency room. This condition is called priapism.

6. What Is Considered Premature Ejaculation?

There is not a standard amount of time that an erection should last before ejaculating. The AUA defines premature ejaculation as “ejaculation that occurs sooner than desired, either before or shortly after penetration, causing distress to either one or both partners.”

There is not a lab test that can determine this. This diagnosis is made based on a patient’s report and a physician assessment. Treatment options are available. Your provider can help you decide which is best for you.

7. You Don’t Ejaculate After an Orgasm—What Causes This?

Various surgeries or medications can cause a man not to ejaculate after an orgasm. This is called anejaculation. The semen can also go backwards into the bladder, which is called retrograde ejaculation. Common causes of anejaculation can be associated with:

  • Prostatectomy or other prostate procedures such as transurethral resection of the prostate (TURP)
  • Taking Flomax (Tamsulosin)
  • Diabetes
  • Nerve injuries

8. Are Orgasms and Ejaculation Different?

Yes. Typically, an orgasm is the pleasure you experience while ejaculating. Men can have an orgasm without ejaculation. Men can also ejaculate before orgasm. Additionally, it’s possible to have an orgasm and ejaculation without an erection that is satisfying for sex. These conditions can have various causes, some that can be identified and treated, and others that can’t.

9. How Much Ejaculate Should I Have?

Ideally, men should have at least 1.5mL of ejaculate. This is equal to 0.304 US teaspoons, so it is not a large volume. As men age, the amount of ejaculate begins to decrease. If you notice a big difference suddenly, you’ll want to contact your provider.

It’s OK to have more, but if you are noticing significantly less over time, especially during the time you are trying to get pregnant, you should see a urologist.

10. Is a Curved Penis Normal?

Some men have a slightly curved penis that has been present for quite some time. If it is not painful and does not bother you, that is normal. If it’s painful or bothers you, then make an appointment with a men’s health doctor. Your doctor will evaluate your condition and discuss your treatment options.

If you notice a new curve to your penis and that bothers you with either pain or appearance, be seen by a doctor. This curve can impact your erections, which is another element that can be evaluated and treated.

Complete Article HERE!

How do you give your kids ‘The Talk’ in 2024?

— It’s World Sexual Health Day, and now’s the time to dig into the birds and the bees, debunk some myths, and look at how we approach Sex Ed through a 2024 lens.

By Sarah Gill

“Students are increasingly demanding an education that reflects their different realities and needs, not one rooted in shame-based approaches,” Elisa Belmonte, Research Communications Manager at Royal College of Surgeons in Ireland (RCSI) tells us.

In celebration of World Sexual Health Day, now’s our chance to sit down and consider the myriad ways we can ensure that the next generation can get the Sex Ed we wish we had. One that’s free from shame and stigma, that delves into the areas of positive consent, periods, contraception, sexually transmitted infections and so on so that young people can be equipped with the knowledge and understanding of themselves, their bodies, and the real world around them.

Dr Caroline Kelleher, a lecturer in the Department of Health Psychology in RCSI and a contributor to expert lead sexual health education outreach programme Debunking the Myths, says: “Historically, sexuality education has been heteronormative, predominantly focusing on the sexual experiences and practises within cisgender, heterosexual relationships. The range of sexual orientations and gender identities that are part of our society and always have been, have remained ‘in the closet’ in sexuality education, and it is time this changed.

“Young people need to feel visible, represented and supported in the education they receive, and fully aware of the knowledge and taught skills they will need to explore their sexuality in a healthy, safe and consensual way.”

Here, we speak with both Elisa Belmonte and Dr Caroline Kelleher on how programmes like Debunking the Myths represent a step in the right direction, and how parents can ensure that their children get the Sex Ed they so require…

Can you break down what’s covered in present-day Sex Education?

Sex education in Ireland, known as Relationships and Sexuality Education (RSE), is part of the broader Social, Personal, and Health Education (SPHE) curriculum. The SPHE curriculum (both for the Junior Cycle and Senior Cycle) has been recently updated, to reflect the increasing evidence of the challenges young people in Ireland face as they grow up, and the growing recognition of the significant benefits of school-based health education programs for their social, emotional, and physical well-being.

The school ethos plays a significant role in its approach to RSE, which can lead to differences in the quality and scope of RSE that students receive.

The Debunking the Myths program is designed to complement the Senior Cycle RSE curriculum, providing students with access to healthcare professionals who can address specific questions in an age-specific, safe, unbiased environment, contributing to counter harmful misinformation and empower young people to make informed decisions about their health. The feedback we’ve received from teachers is they really appreciate the added value that our programme is bringing.

Is the shroud of shame that has always existed around sex and Sex Ed still there, or are programmes like Debunking the Myths having the desired effect?

Social attitudes towards sex and sexuality have evolved, and programs like Debunking the Myths are playing a significant role in driving this change among the younger generation. These initiatives are helping to open up conversations and normalise discussions about topics that were once considered taboo, such as STIs, pleasure, contraception, and anatomy.

Students who attend Debunking the Myths workshops consistently express the value they find in having medical experts delivering the workshops. Their presence creates a more objective and trustworthy environment which is crucial in dispelling misconceptions about sexual assault, contraception, and sexually transmitted infections. Having trusted, knowledgeable sources reassures students and helps break down barriers to discussing these critical issues openly.

Moreover, students are increasingly demanding an education that reflects their different realities and needs, not one rooted in shame-based approaches. Programmes like Debunking the Myths are responding to this demand, providing a relevant and comprehensive understanding of sexual health. While progress is being made, we need a collective effort to enhance conversations and ensure that sex education continues to evolve in a positive and inclusive direction.

Are the Senior Cycle secondary school students who engage with these workshops open to discussion, or relatively open minded?

Most Senior Cycle secondary school students who engage with these workshops are open to discussion and display an open-minded attitude when it comes to conversations about consent, and gender identity and sexuality. Our workshops are designed to be highly interactive.

We are conscious that teenagers may not feel comfortable to speak up in an environment where they are surrounded by their peers and teachers, so the workshops utilise an online application called Mentimeter which allows teenagers to submit questions anonymously and to answer polls and quizzes in real time with answers being incorporated in slides projected to all attendees.

To date, we have received more than 2,000 anonymous questions during our workshops, which highlight students’ eagerness to know more. They are the ones actively demanding an education that addresses their needs and reflects their diverse experiences.

What are some tips you would give parents when it comes to approaching the birds, the bees, and beyond?

Dr Caroline Kelleher says: “For parents, it is about providing a safe space for your children to speak about these topics, gently letting them know that you are here to listen and support them. You may not know the right thing to say or the answers to all of their questions, but creating a supportive environment at home is a strong first step.”

Could you share some resources that might come in useful?

The team at Debunking the Myths have created a dedicated section on our website where we collate trustworthy information and existing educational materials from reputable sources which can be accessed HERE.

Among the resources cited on our website:

Complete Article HERE!

A College Student’s Guide to Safer Sex

— Tips from an Intimacy Coordinator

Safe sex is incredibly important for sexual health.

Learn about boundaries, consent, and pleasure with the C.R.I.S.P method.

By Ju Derraik

Sexual health is not just about testing and contraception, although there are plenty of resources available on campus to help with that. It’s also about creating a healthy relationship with your boundaries and with pleasure. Yes, sex should be safe, but it should also be meaningful, whether it’s to connect with a partner, with an identity, or with yourself.

As an intimacy coordinator and someone who spent this summer connecting with students about consent culture at Orientation, sexual health is really important to me. Talking to incoming students this summer brought to mind my freshman self, hailing from little to no high-school sex education (all we had was an abstinence pact… that only girls had to sign). While I handed out Condom Fairy flyers and consent stickers, I thought about the advice I would have given my first-year self.

Shakespeare said, “All the world’s a stage.” Cheesy as it is, his adage rings true in how intimacy works for student films, which has taught me about intimacy off-camera. As an intimacy coordinator, I work with actors and directors to plan, choreograph, and ethically execute intimate scenes.

When I’m on set, be it a high-five, fist bump, or elbow touch, I always have my actors tap in before intimacy work. ‘Tapping in’ is a kinesthetic practice at the start of every intimate scene. It’s a way to say:

Hey! I’m here, present in my body! I see you. Do you see me too? 

I use the consent acronym C.R.I.S.P on set to help actors be curious about their boundaries. Applying C.R.I.S.P to real-life sex, I encourage you to do the same:


Considered


Having consideration is not just about asking yourself, ‘Do I want this?’ It’s about preparing in advance so that sex can be a source of pleasure, not distress. With BU Student Health Service’s access to free and low-cost contraception and birth control options, you can ensure not only that your consent is considered, but that you consider your consent.

Revokable


I always tell my actors, that “No” is simply information. You have the right to change your mind at any point during intimacy! You always have a choice. Your sexual partner(s) should be able to graciously receive that information freely.

Informed


Informed consent isn’t just a form for BU’s social science labs. Staying informed about your sexual health is an act of consideration for your partner(s) and yourself. The chief way to stay informed is to get tested; SHS makes it easy. Remember! Plenty of STIs can be asymptomatic. Go with your partner(s) or friends (post-brunch activity?).

Specific


Consent is situation-specific. My actors’ agreement to one point of contact does not mean an agreement to the next. The same rings true for sex. Past consent does not mean present consent; present consent should be enthusiastic! College is for exploration in more than one sense. Find out what you don’t like. Find out what you do! (And feel empowered asking for it).

Participatory


Without my actor’s participation, there can be no intimacy. Although this one seems self-explanatory, our generation tends to forget it the most. In reality, sex does not have to be romantic, but it shouldn’t be dissociative. Yes, consent involves checking in with your partner, but it also involves checking in with yourself. Be present in experiencing your sexuality. You can only learn if you participate.


Today and every day, while I urge you to tap into BU’s safer sex resources, I also encourage you to tap into your built-in resource: your body. Invest time into yourself; learn about your boundaries. Forego judgment and be curious about what you like. You can find that curiosity using C.R.I.S.P or any method of reflection you prefer best. Whatever it takes to tap in and say:

Hey! I’m here, present in my body! I see you. Do you see me too? 

Complete Article HERE!

Nikol Hasler, Part 2 — Podcast #75 — 08/11/08

[Look for the podcast play button below.]

Hey sex fans,nikol7.jpg

I know you’ve all been dying for this, but keep your collective shirts on already, why don’t cha.

Without further delay, here’s Part 2 of my interview with the host of the Midwest Teen Sex Show, that darling of the internet tubes — Nikol Hasler.

Oh, and by the way, if you missed Part 1 of this interview, look for Podcast #74 in the Podcast Archive at the top of the sidebar to your right.

Nikol and I talk about:

  • A parent’s responsibility for the sex education of their kids.
  • Female masturbation.
  • Male masturbation.
  • The show’s enormous popularity.
  • Collaborating with her costars.
  • Being an unlikely sex educator.
  • The future of MWTSS.

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Look for my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously. Just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Today’s Podcast is bought to you by: DR DICK’S HOW TO VIDEO LIBRARY.

 

Nikol Hasler, Part 1 — Podcast #74 — 08/04/08

[Look for the podcast play button below.]

Hey sex fans,

I have another fantastic interview show for you today. I am pleased to bring you Part 1 of mynikol3.jpg interview with the host of the Midwest Teen Sex Show, the ever so charming and delightful Nikol Hasler.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the Midwest Teen Sex Show, here’s a tip. Get your butt over there and discover for yourself what the cutting edge of sex education looks and sounds like. The show is a kick ass, no holds bared, in your face and laugh out loud sketch comedy show that tackles some of the thorniest issues young people face today. And if you think you can pass this up because you’re all grown up; you have another thing coming.

The Midwest Teen Sex Show should be required viewing for everyone — young and old. Nikol and her costars deliver comedy that is both edgy and informative. And today, as part of our interview, we will be hearing snippets from the show so you can get a taste for what you’ve been missing.

Nikol and I talk about:

  • Being so out there about sex.
  • The person who inspired her to do the show.
  • Drugs, sex and alcohol.
  • Porn and what it tells us about sex.

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Look for my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously. Just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.