Sex Advice With An Edge — Podcast #63 — 05/12/08

[Look for the podcast play button below.]

Hey sex fans,

I have a whopper of a show for you today. We return to our usual question and answer format this week, because I have a hot load of stimulating questions. And I respond with an equal number of cheeky, charming and oh so enlightening responses! Hey, it’s what I do.

  • Jasper thinks his GF might be gettin’ some on the side!
  • Marie wants to know what all the “big dick” fuss is about.
  • Steve wants more precum! I introduce him to the line of Aneros products.

BE THERE, OR BE SQUARE!

Look for my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section — just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I don’t want you to miss even one episode.

Happy Holes Ahead!

Look for my new b750.jpg

Product Review!

Aneros Prostate Massagers!

“They have an ergonomic elegance about them. They actually remind me of a finely crafted medical device. No surprise there, I suppose; since each Aneros massager is the product of years of research and development. And just so you don’t think I’m pullin’ your leg — these are the only medically patented prostate massagers on the market.”

Aneros – Helix, MGX, Progasm

Hey Sex Fans!

If you’re a guy (or you know someone who is) and you have a butt hole (or the guy you know has one), I’ve got some swell news for YOU! I want to introduce you to three hands-free prostate and perineum massagers that have cum my way. I haven’t been this excited (literally and figuratively) about a line of adult products in a very long time.

Finally, someone got it right! The first thing I want to say about these Aneros products is they areb750.jpg designed and developed by folks who are as serious about prostate health as they are about prostate pleasure. Listen, I’m all in favor of toys that have no other purpose than to dispense a good dose of the jollies. But if a fella can pleasure himself AND do himself some good health-wise…all at the same time; well that just about beats the pants off diddlin’ just for fun.

Before we get down to actually landin’ these babies where the sun don’t shine; I have some general comments to make. Each Aneros product has a unique shape. And there’s a shape for every anal-pleasure experience level — from rank amateur to professional butt pirate.

They’re made of firm, durable, non-toxic plastic. They clean up in a jiffy. Warm water and a mild detergent do just fine. You can also sterilize them by dropping ‘em in boiling water for a couple of minutes. Hell, ya can even pop ‘em in the dishwasher too. What could be easier?

They have an ergonomic elegance about them. They actually remind me of a finely crafted medical device. No surprise there, I suppose; since each Aneros massager is the product of years of research and development. And just so you don’t think I’m pullin’ your leg — these are the only medically patented prostate massagers on the market.

Their Zen-like simplicity is a marvel in and of itself. There are no batteries to wear down, no wires to fumble with. These beauties works their magic in harmony with your body’s own movements. Just lifting or repositioning your leg, tensing your PC muscle, or rolling on your side will stimulate and invigorate your prostate and perineum in a slightly different way. It’s truly amazing. I discovered that if I did a few crunches while my Aneros massager was lodged within; what was previously a workout drudgery became a tingly delight.

Since I had three Aneros products to review, I decided to share the wealth, so to speak. I wanted to find three uninhibited men who were up for an afternoon of prostate pleasuring. I apparently know the right kind of guys, because the very first three fellas I invited jumped at the opportunity. And best of all, we covered the spectrum of anal play experience.

I told my visitors that we had one simple task — to agree or disagree with the Aneros claim that their stimulators increase one’s sexual performance and stamina, facilitate a stronger erection and enhance orgasmic pleasure. Before we set to work, however, I had to remind my friends that we gathered together and dropped our drawers purely in the name of science. So I insisted that they wipe those stupid grins off their faces right away! 😉

Kevin — single, straight, 25 — was the youngest and least experienced among us. (He’s never had more than a finger in his ass.) He chose the Aneros MGX as his challenge. Despite it’s modest girth, he was still a bit apprehensive.

Glenn — partnered, gay, 33 — was the most experienced among us. He’s pretty smug about his talented ass and proudly identifies himself as a power-bottom extraordinaire. Initially he scoffed at all three stimulators. “Shit, I could take all three of them at once!” He proclaimed. I handed him the Aneros Progasm, the largest stimulator of the bunch, and told him to park his famous ass and shut his pie hole for the time being.

Carlos — married, “mostly straight,” 46 — has experimented with a couple of anal toys and would like to do more. He wants to get his wife involved too. However, he’s been having some prostate problems lately, so he was unsure how helpful he’d be. He got the Aneros Helix.

We shared our initial reactions to each product — how they looked and felt in our hand. We talked about what our expectations were, if any. We took note of the different shapes and the configuration of the Perineum Tab and K-Tab on each.

  • I gotta tell ya, we all were stumped by the K-Tab reference. I actually had to go to the Aneros website for an explanation. “Kundalini or “K-Tab” is supposed to add sensations up and down your spine similar to the sensations you’re feeling through your prostate.” Ok, the “Kundalini” reference is way too esoteric for me. I realize this is some kind of tantric reference, but please! Basically the K-Tab hits below your tailbone or coccyx. Sheesh!

c771.jpgNow that my guests and I are all comfortable and naked; the fun begins in earnest. Kevin realizes that he’s gonna need lube to insert his MGX. (Actually everyone needs lube for ass play of any kind. But ya’ll know that already, huh?) Unfortunately, Kevin was using a dainty amount of lube right on his pucker. I guess he thought that was gonna do the trick. He was oh so wrong! Listen up; ya gotta lube the whole chute, don’t cha’ know.

Glenn leaned over with one of the Marksman water-based lube shooters that came with the Aneros stimulators. He showed Kevin how to pop the top, insert the shooter stem to deep-lube his hole. “Ahhh, much better!” Kevin proclaimed. On his side with his lower leg straight and his upper leg cocked to his stomach, he tired to insert the MGX. But failed. I think he was pretty nervous and there was a fair amount of performance anxiety goin’ on too. It didn’t help that, we his audience, were looking on with great anticipation.

Carlos reached over and held Kevin’s upper leg, so he wouldn’t have to tense to hold the position. Then he said; “relax and breathe deep.” Kevin’s next try was successful. As soon as the MGX slipped into place, with its head knockin’ on his prostate, Kevin’s eyes rolled back in his head and he let out a whimper. “Damn! Holy Shit!”

Kevin was a little nervous about lowering his leg, because that movement slightly altered the position of the MGX. Each time he moved, he got a jolt of pleasure. Finally, he was able to roll on to his back and lowered his leg. I told him to do some Kegel exercises. “Tighten your P.C. muscle (like you would if your were trying to stop the flow of pee) and hold that contraction for a slow count of 3. Then relax. Next, contract and relax your P.C. muscle as rapidly as you can — like a flutter.”

Kevin was oozing precum like there was no tomorrow. He had a rock-hard hardon. Ok, so he’s 25, all his boners are rock-hard. He did say, however, that he was afraid to touch his cock, because he thought he’d shoot his load for sure if he did. And he didn’t want to cum right away. He wanted to ride all these new sensations he was having.

Carlos was next. He popped the top and administered his Marksman lube shooter like a pro. His previous experience with ass toys insured an effortless insertion. Maybe because of his enlarged prostate, the Helix hit home with a bang…as it were, and it took his breath away.

Carlos admitted that the experience was right on the edge of being uncomfortable at first. I reminded him that the good people at Aneros suggest that everyone take his time to acquaint his butt with one of their stimulators. “Ya gotta be patient, darlin’!” I insisted. “Your body needs a chance to get familiar with its new friend.”

Carlos worked through the initial discomfort with deep breathing, Kegels and yankin’ on his balls to move the sexual energy around. He too had a powerful hardon and more than the usual amount of precum. This surprised him. Because of his enlarged prostate, Carlos found that he needed to take a break and remove the Helix every once in a while. This was fine with him, because reinserting it was so much fun.

While Carlos and Kevin were riding their stimulators, Glenn was preparing himself for disappointment. He was sure his Progasm was gonna be a bust. He put on a cockring, because he assumed he would need one. No “little” insertable was gonna challenge his pro-hole or give him wood either…or so he thought.

Glenn’s poop chute devoured the Progasm like it was a snack. It slipped into place with an audible pop. We all giggled like schoolgirls. Sure enough, the girth of the Progasm was like playing house for him. What Glenn didn’t count on was the P-Tab and the K-Tab. These little numbers made all the difference in the world. None of his other ass toys had anything like this.

When Glenn could finally admit that bigger isn’t always better, he realized the potential of the Progasm. As every power- bottom will tell you — the secret to enjoying a big toy and/or a ferocious fuck is pelvic muscle control. If you keep your muscles (including your PC muscle) in tip-top shape, a wealth of pleasure awaits you. If you go loose in the caboose…so to speak, you pay the price in pleasure and sphincter control.

While the Progasm didn’t come close to “filling him up,” it did hit the spot. The P-Tab and the K-Tab riveted the Progasm head to his prostate while adding the additional stimulation of his “taint” (perineum) and spine. This was all new territory for Glenn. He found that he had to work at tightening his PC muscle around the more modestly sized Progasm shank. This exercised his muscles more; delivering more pleasure.

Glenn had to remove his cockring because his wood was gettin’ too intense. “Ok, I’m a believer. This thing is pretty fuckin’ amazing! I’m sold, big time!”

Our afternoon session ended in an explosive manner. After only 20 minutes with his MGX, Kevin couldn’t stand it any longer and popped a wad that hurled well over his shoulder. We all cheered him on as he writhed in delicious agony. (Funny how pleasure and pain register as the same on one’s face.) He pulled the plug from his ass and fought to catch his breath. As his dick softened it continued to dribble spooge into a pool near his navel. “This thing rocks!”

Carlos decided to finish himself off without the Helix in place. He said he liked the butt play a lot; it just became too intense as he neared orgasm. He finally gave up his spunk in three waves of bliss. He was surprised at the amount of cum he produced. He figured it was the prostate massage that milked more cum out of him. However, he reported that his prostate was very tender after the orgasm. He though he needed to take more time with the Helix or maybe try the MGX next time.

Meanwhile, Glenn was edging — playing with his sexual tension as he jerked off. He would come right up to the point of ejaculating, and then he’d suddenly let go of his dick. Its hardness would slap against his belly. When the urge to cum subsided he’d start to handle himself again. He said he could usually delay his ejaculation for an hour doing this. Not today, though. The Progasm altered his edging performance and brought him closer to cuming more frequently, until he finally let fly. He said edging usually makes for a more intense orgasm, but this time, with the Progasm pluggin his happy hole, he felt several mini orgasmic quakes before the big one hit. “Like I said, I’m sold!”

As my guests lay spent on the floor, I asked them to rate their particular Aneros product, on a scale of 1-10 — 10 being the highest. Kevin gave his MGX a 10.0. He was gonna go online and buy his own just as soon as he got home. Glenn was happy to be proven wrong. He gave the Progasm a 8.5. He thought he’d probably buy his own, as well. He asked if he could borrow the MGX for his partner, who never bottoms, to try. Carlos rated the Helix at 9.0, but his experience at 8.0. Like he said, I need more time to work with one of these things on my sensitive prostate. He wanted to introduce his wife to the concept and asked if he could borrow the Helix for some homework.

As for me, I tried all three stimulators, I found the Helix fit me best. I sympathized with Carlos and the trouble he has with his enlarged prostate. I know the feeling. Lots of men our age and older are similarly troubled. However, I am discovering that a regular routine of Aneros prostate massage therapy is making a big difference. It’s assisting me in achieving better pelvic muscle tone and increasing oxygen-rich blood flow. This is reducing the size of my prostate and making my erections firmer. Firmer erections mean more sensitivity. And greater sensitivity means more pleasure. It’s a win-win situation all around.

Anyone who knows me knows that I am a fierce advocate for prostate self-awareness. At the risk of generalizing from my experience, I’d say there’s a very good chance that regular use of an Aneros stimulator will facilitate prostate health and vitality in most men. And a healthy prostate, increased blood flow and added muscle control are the kingpins of powerful orgasms, rejuvenated sexual ability, and stamina, as well as a stiffer cock. So, like I said; “if a fella can pleasure himself AND do himself some good health-wise…all at the same time; well that just about beat the pants off just diddlin’ just for fun.”

ENJOY!

Feed Your Hole(s)!

In light of all the mail I’m gettin lately from both women and men asking about anal stimulation; I want to welcome you to yet another one of my Handy Dandy Sex Toy Advisories. This time: The Wonderful World of Butt Plugs!

Not sure what a butt plug is or why you would want one? Or maybe you sure enough know a butt plug from a hole in your head, but you just don’t know how to go about choosing the right one for you. Well, never fear, because Dr Dick is here And you can thank all my inquisitive correspondents and the treasure trove that is Dr Dick’s Stockroom for the heads up on these puppies.

A butt plug is an anal stimulation device that allows you to enjoy sustained anal pleasure (and prostate stimulation for the men folk) without the worry of having your toy fall out, or worse, disappear up your chute.

Let’s look at a typical butt plug to get a feel for how it works. Unlike most dildos and other anal toys, a butt plug is shorter and has a unique shape. The insertable part is often a tapered cone shape, designed for easy insertion and that all-filled-up feeling while it’s in place.

The plug tapers more dramatically near the base into a notch. This allows your sphincter muscle to close down on the plug keeping it firmly in place. Finally the wide base keeps it from slipping inside your bum.

Pretty gal-darn clever, huh?

But why would I want a plug in my ass? You might query. That, my friend, is a question only a rank amateur would ask. Unfamiliar with the joys of butt play, are ya? Well, here’s the 411 on anal pleasuring. Your bum is chock full of nerve ending that, when stimulated, induce intense pleasure. And a butt plug can be worn for hours at a time for a sustained dose of devilish delight.

Once you decide to give a plug a try, you’ll have loads of options to choose from. There is a slue of different sizes, shapes colors and textures. They come in several different materials. And some even vibrate. How fun is that?

Let’s look at all these options in turn.

— Start with SIZE.
If you’re new to the whole anal thing, I recommend you try something small. You’ll want an insertable length of less then 4” and a diameter of 2.5”. Feeling a bit more daring? Want to increase the insertable length and/or diameter? Knock yourself out, my friend. There are dozens of sizes available.

— Next choose a Material.
Got the dimensions you want, but not sure about what kind of material you want plugging your hole? I know that may sound funny, but it actually does matter what you insert where the sun don’t shine!

Say, Dr Dick, how do I know what material is best for me? Excellent question! See, you’re becoming a well-informed consumer already. Let me detail some of the finer points for you.

Latex — the granddaddy of sex toy material.
PLUSSES —
Inexpensive
Soft and flexible
Use with both water-based and oil-based lubes.

MINUSES —
Porous, thus less hygienic
Difficult to clean
May contain phthalates
Distinct rubbery odor

Jelly —advancements in chemistry transformed ordinary latex into even softer and more pliable jellies.
PLUSSES —
Inexpensive
Super-soft and flexible
Appealing translucent jelly-like appearance
Use with both water-based and oil-based lubes.
Comes in a variety of colors

MINUSES —
Porous, thus less hygienic
Difficult to clean
Probably contain phthalates
Distinct rubbery odor

Silicone — a non-latex product that come in two varieties — firm and soft.
PLUSSES —
Durable and long lasting
Easy to maintainc552.jpg
Hypoallergenic
Waterproof
You can sterilize silicone toys by boiling them
They’re bleachable
Dishwasher safe
More realistic feel
Retains body heat
Comes in a variety of colors
Less of an odor

MINUSES —
More expensive
Use only water-based lubes

Stainless Steel —it is smooth, hard and a thing of beauty.c991.jpg
PLUSSES —
Super-durable and long lasting
Nonporous
Easy to maintain
Hypoallergenic
Waterproof
You can sterilize Stainless Steel toys by boiling them
Bleachable
Dishwasher safe
Much heftier weight
No unpleasant odor
Can be warmed or chilled
Use with both water-based and oil-based lubes.

MINUSES —
More expensive
Hard and inflexible

Pyrex Glass — a hard dense glass that will not shatter or splinter. A work of art.
PLUSSES —

Version 1.0.0

Super-durable, long lasting
Nonporous
Easy to maintain
Hypoallergenic
Waterproof
You can sterilize Pyrex toys by boiling them
Bleachable
Dishwasher safe
Hefty weight
No unpleasant odor
Can be warmed or chilled
Use with both water-based and oil-based lubes.

MINUSES —
More expensive
Hard and inflexible

New Supersoft — a new material that’s has the closest feel to real-life skin. It can be both soft and rigid.
PLUSSES —
Less expensive
Great texture

MINUSES —
Very porous
Less hygienic
Always use with a condom
Use only both water-based lubes.
Difficult to cleanb667.jpg
Distinct rubbery odor

Rubber — An old standard!
PLUSSES —
Inexpensive
Durable, very long lasting
Waterproof
Use with both water-based and oil-based lubes.
Comes in a vast array of colors
MINUSES —
Very porous, less hygienic
Difficult to clean
Distinct rubbery odor

— Next choose Special Features.
Once you’ve decided on the material you want, you can customize your butt plug with special features like:

  • Bendable
  • Inflatable
  • Multi speed vibrating
  • Suction cup

— Next choose Texture.
Latex, silicone and rubber butt plugs come in an array of textures. Which one of these buggers will tickles your fancy?

  • Bulged
  • Noduled
  • Nubbed
  • Ribbed
  • Smooth
  • Studded
  • Swirled
  • Veined
  • Velvety

Can U Squeeze Me In

Name: Jim & Elaine
Gender: Couple
Age: 42 & 38
Location: Denver
We have been happily married for 15 years. We have a good, but pretty vanilla sex life together. We want to spice things up and are talking about maybe looking for other couples online. We’re both in good shape and have very outgoing personalities. Both of us have had one short affair in the past, now we think we want to play together. Thoughts?

You guys want to look for other couples online…for ummm sex? I mean you imply that but you don’t really come right out and say it, do you? I know you are new to this and you are just feeling your way through this unfamiliar territory, but unless you want to look like rank amateurs by other swingers…and that’s what we’re talking about, swinging, right? You’d better get comfortable articulating precisely what it is you want, how you want it and with whom.

swing_couples.jpgIf you’ve already begun your online search, you’ve probably already discovered that there are several different avenues for you to pursue. There are, of course, dating and profile sites. There are sites that feature ads from other swingers. For example you could check out craigslist for the generic variety. Then there are exclusive swing parties and more inclusive swinger clubs. And each of these outlets may offer special groupings for the fetish-oriented swinger.

Before you swing, you guys need to decide what type of swing-set you want. If the vocabulary that follows is unfamiliar to you, you have some remedial homework to do before you launch your swing-capade. There is “soft” swinging and “hard” swinging. Bisexually may or may not be an option for you.

If you assume that all swingers are open-minded about sex, consider this; lots of swing outlets prohibit male-on-male sex. Personally, I find this extremely bizarre. But I suppose it only underscores the prejudices of the popular culture. There are some swing-sets that allow novice swingers to simply to be voyeurs. I can’t fuckin’ figure that out either. Maybe it’s a heterosexual thing.

If you gravitate toward the club-set there are 3 types to consider:

  1. SEX clubs — these clubs allow full-on sex, but only in designated areas.
  2. NO-SEX clubs — allow for lots of exhibitionism and voyeurism, including nudity, but no full-on sex. These clubs are great for meeting other swingers and to set up your own sex dates.
  3. Swinger parties are NO-SEX events, and are usually held in a nightclub or restaurant. Again, you can meet like-minded folks there and set up your own sex dates.

Whichever outlet you choose; make sure you understand all the rules and regulations of the get together before you decide to attend.

Like I said, it’s of the utmost importance that you guys decide, in advance, what your limits are. A good number of otherwise healthy marriages flounder at this point. Have a clear and frank exchange with each other on the ground rules of your swinging and then stick to them. Negotiating a change to the rules of engagement during a swing is a very bad idea. That’s not to say that your ground rules won’t change and evolve over time; just don’t attempt to adjust them while they are in play.

Never push your partner into doing something he/she is not ready to do. Be open with each other before, during and especially after a swing. Effective communication is essential. This goes for communicating with your fellow swingers. Be sure to let everyone know that you are newbees to the scene. (Don’t worry, everyone will already know.) Novices stick out like a sore…hardon.

Most clubs and groupings don’t allow single men. Most swing-sets are women oriented, to the degree that women set the tone for the swing. That being said, it’s still a man’s world. Men generally dictate the type of sexual expression that will be tolerated — thus the prohibition, stated or unstated, against male on male sex. Female on female sex is, of course, encouraged for obvious reasons. How’s that for a screwed-up double standard?

Most clubs expect full or partial nudity. My swinger friends advise that if you just want to attend so you can ogle others, stay the fuck home! Novice swingers, like you guys, ought to stay together until you feel comfortable being apart. But for Christ sake, don’t glom on to one another like the other swingers have the cooties.

Most of all, take responsibility for your eroticism and your sexuality. Be friendly and good-natured. And don’t try to pretend you’re a more accomplished sexual athlete than you are.

Be advised, you are about to embark on a sexual journey that will take you to the edges of what society regards as appropriate sexual behavior. Don’t be surprised if some of your more traditional friends discriminate against you when they find out about your new activities. Finally, swinging is far less about what you do (sex) and way more about who you are (a lifestyle). To that end, I’d like to turn you on to a fantastic resource. Check out my friends, John and Allie, at SwingerCast. Be sure to tell them dr dick sent ya!

Name: Nathan
Gender: Male
Age: 37
Location: Dallas
I’m a married guy with a great wife and 3 beautiful kids. A couple of weeks ago, I went to a masseuse I found on craigslist. I don’t have a lot of experience with massage and thought I would be safe going to a guy instead of a woman. The guy was really nice and did a good massage, but somehow I popped wood near the end of the massage. I was really embarrassed, but he was like totally fine with that. Then he asked if I wanted a happy ending. I didn’t even know what that was till he started to massage my ass and blow me. I have to admit it was totally amazing. I never felt anything like it before in my life. My wife sometimes will give me oral sex, but nothing like this. I blew a load like nothing I ever did before. I though my insides were coming out of my cock. I was wowed and scared and confused and I could hardly sit up. Then the guy said I had a real healthy prostate. I said what? And he said he was massaging my prostate while he was sucking me off. I can’t stop thinking about this. I want more but I feel really guilty and I’m afraid this is going to make me gay.

What a fabulous story, Nathan. But we need to clear up a few things. A masseuse is a female practitioner of massage. A masseur is a male practitioner. This is a common enough mistake, but I thought you should know the proper usage for further reference. Because you can see how a little unintended slip like this will make all the difference in the world. If you say a masseuse gave you a blowjob that’s totally different from getting a blowjob from a masseur, don’t ‘cha know.

chimp_prostate_exam.jpgI’m gonna also guess you never had a prostate massage before this encounter with the masseur. A prostate massage coupled with your first blowjob from a guy…hell, you are lucky your insides didn’t shoot out your dick along with your spooge. I’m joking of course, but it does stand to reason that you had such an intense and explosive orgasm and ejaculation. That’s precisely what prostate massage does, honey.

Now, let’s see if we can figure out why you can’t stop thinking about this. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to analyze that either. This was a peak sexual experience for you. I mean, beside the mind-blowing release, the means by which you had this orgasm — the guy’s finger in your ass and the guy’s mouth on your dick were both unexpected and apparently unprecedented. So I figure you had very little time to cognitively respond to the stimuli before things came to their explosive climax, as it were. And you did say you were already relaxed and aroused by the massage, right?

I’d be willing to bet that if you had some emotional distance from the experience you would realize your body was simply responding to the stimulus it was receiving. Your dick and your prostate weren’t able to distinguish the gender of the person diddlin’ your ass and blowin’ you. And since your brain was occupied with all these new sensations you had little time, if any to process and possibly protest. And maybe you wouldn’t have protested even if you could. Maybe you wanted to take this little walk on the wild side. Tust me, lots of guys do.

Now that the event has passed, you have plenty of time to process. And process you are…to withinprostate_massage.jpg an inch of its life…if ya ask me. This experience looms so large for you because it is forbidden fruit, so to speak. It upsets the apple cart of your cozy and predictable heterosexuality. I mean it’s one thing to pop wood on a massage table. It’s something totally different to blow a wad while a guy is givin’ you head.

And now that you have all this time on your hands to keep pouring over and over this in you head, the event is taking on a proportion it probably wouldn’t have otherwise.

prostate_massage_copy.jpgLet me put your mind to rest, one blowjob from a guy…even an earth-shatterin, prostate massagin’ blowjob, like the kind you got from this fabulous masseur…won’t make you gay. Nor does wanting to repeat the experience make you gay. All this experience really tells us is that you like a good blowjob and you now know where to get a really fantastic one when next you want one.

Think about it this way. Say you went to a Chinese restaurant and, to your great surprise, had the best dim sum ever. You were so impressed with the food that you’ve been eager to return to this particular eatery for another go at those tasty vittles. Does this desire for yummy dim sum make you Chinese? I don’t think so…unless, of course, you were Chinese before you went to the restaurant.

Finally, the guilt you’re experiencing, where might that be coming from? There are so many sources one would be hard-pressed to come up with an exhaustive list. But let’s look at the top contenders.

  • You’re married with a family. You had a sexual experience…unplanned as it might have been…with someone other than your wife. BINGO!
  • Our culture’s buttoned-down sex and gender stereotypes — who can do what to whom. BINGO!
  • The dictates of our sex-negative society about what is proper and what is not in terms of sexual exploration and experimentation. BINGO!
  • The shame of possibly being labeled a fag. BINGO!
  • The fear of your own desires and where they might lead you. BINGO!
  • The allure of the forbidden and the explosive charge the illicit. BINGO.

The experience you had with that masseur, Nathan, is so highly charged, both culturally and sexually that it will take some while for you to find your balance once again. In the interim, my I suggest that you postpone any judgments about yourself or what the indecent might imply about you until you’ve have some emotional distance and the time to calmly process all of this. In the final analysis, I think you’ll come to the conclusion that this is a relatively harmless sexual outlet. The masseur is providing you a service…I mean beyond the obvious. He is providing you a safe, secure non-judgmental environment to exercise and expand your sexual repertoire. Think of it like a place you go to learn about the wonders of sexual dim sum.

Name: Rebecca
Gender: Female
Age: 24
Location: Cincinnati
Last year I had a sexual relationship with a guy I met through work. We kept it light and had some fun. He has since relocated to another city, but we keep in touch and hook up whenever he’s in town. The last time he was here he asked if I would ever consider a threesome with him and one of his male friends. I told him I might consider it if I knew the other guy. As it turns out, the other guy and I went to the same college. I know, small world, huh? The idea of having a 3-way with these two guys is totally hot; I’m attracted to both of them. Even though this would be a first for me, I would like to give it a try. I guess my question is what should I look for in this kind of situation?

What should you look for in this kind of situation? Why, look for double the fun, you little vixen you! You sound like you’re a pretty savvy chick when it comes to sex, Rebecca. I suspect you’ve been around the block a time or two. Good for you. You also seem to know what you want and how to go about getting that, kudos to you on that.

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Trying new things can be really fun especially when your playing with people you like and are turned on to. I’d suggest you keep the event light and breezy. Too many people try to script a 3-way to within an inch of its life. And that can fuck up the whole damn thing. At the same time, just hooking up for quick shag can be a little too impersonal when it comes to 3-ways.

Luckily, there’s another way. I suggest the three of you start your encounter by getting a bite to eat together. A little food and a few cocktails can be a great start to the adventure. No doubt all three of you will be a little nervous, so make this part of the outing light, sexy and flirtatious. Practice your seduction skills on each of the guys. You will soon discover the sexual hierarchy…and there always is one in these kinds of encounters.

If there are any ground rules, this is the time to mention them. The more you discover about the guys in this non-sexual environment the more prepared you will be for how the rest of the evening will play itself out. If I were you, I’d want to get a sense of how experienced the two guys are at having a 3-way. Do you happen to know if the guys are bisexual? If they are, you can be assured that the 3-way dynamic will be fundamentally different than if they guys are not bi and only want to shower their hot monkey-love on you. Maybe you could ask about their sexual fantasies and share some of your own. Just remember, you are an equal partner in this ménage. I’d make sure that the fellas knew what turned you on. Fortunately, you have the advantage of having already played with the one guys; so that should make things easier.

I hope you write back and let me know how the encounter went. My interest, of course, is purely scientific, don’t ‘cha know. But I will want all the gory details. And a detailed photo essay would also be deeply appreciated. 😉

Good luck ya’ll

Come With Me

Name: Julie
Gender: Female
Age: 38
Location: Boston
I went to Vegas with my best friend and she wanted to be laid in the worst way. Our first night in sin city I told her that prostitution is legal here and we “let our fingers do the walkin’”. Soon a gigolo was at the door. He was not six feet with blue eyes as promised, but he was an aspiring chiropractor and seemed like a nice lad so we let him in. The agency had said that they were registered with the State of Nevada and that they need payment upfront including the tip. Being novices to this we ponied up. I left my friend with the guy for her birthday shag and went for a walk around Vegas. I almost called you, Dr. Dick, so excited was I to be sophisticated. I had employed your advice and hired a pro and all! 20 minutes later I was staring at the Lions in the MGM Grand my cell rings. It’s her. The gigolo had a story about not being able to use her condoms due to a latex allergy and that the “other kind” which he had in his pocket must have dropped out in the lobby. This was a total bummer and the gigolo made off with almost $600 bucks! Can you publish “An idiot’s guide to hiring sex work”? We felt like total rubes and were sorely disappointed. The remainder of the celebrations were fantastic. We saw “The Thunder From Downunder” an all-male revue that was just wonderful. We also met many nice tourists and things looked up.

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Thanks for the Vegas travelogue. Sorry to hear you got ripped off by the “pro” you tried to hire for a little pleasure. That bums me out. I’m of the mind that freelance providers are generally a better bet than going through a agency. I know it’s too late now, but a consumer should never pay anything in advance. Ya always want to check out the goods first, don’t cha know! And if someone balks at that, you don’t want to do business with that person.

Not to make light of your situation, but I have a friend who was having trouble with his plumbing. No not that kind of plumbing! He tired to fix it himself, but to no avail. He was frustrated as all get-out. Finally I talked him into calling a “pro”. I don’t know where he found the plumber he called, but like you he got ripped off big time! There are dishonest people in every profession.

I applaud your moxie, girl. Don’t let this one bad apple scare you away from trying again another time. I stand by the Rent-A-Boy concept. Keep me posted on your future efforts.

Name: alex smith
Gender: Male
Age: 22
Location: California
I have had this litlle lump in my balls sac since i was a kid it doesnt hurt when i squeeze it and its inside i cant get it off because its attached to the skin and im afraid to ask my doctor what do i do?

You’re 22 and you’re afraid to ask your doc about a bump on your nuts? What kind of pussy are you? Come on, grow a pair already, why don’t ‘cha?

This may come as somewhat of a surprise to you, but this is precisely what doctors are for. They look at the things that cause us concern, they tell us what it is, and by doing so, they put our minds to rest. Listen; if you’ve had this bump since you were a kid, the likelihood that it’s anything of consequence is pretty minimal. But go get it checked out so you can stop freakin’ out!

Name: Warwick
Gender: Male
Age: 22
Location: Wyoming
Dear Mr. Dr. Dick, my fiancee was raped by her step brother when she 13. she put up with it and has since repressed it continuing a “normal” relationship with him. how do i deal with this? how can i stand the thought of him or bear seeing him knowing what he has done?

Holy cow! That’s a bummer. But tell me this, if your fiancée repressed this memory (and that’s what repressed means) how did you find out about the incident?

If in fact your fiancée hasn’t repressed the memory, but is trying to get beyond it by not letting it rule her life, then I think you need to do the same. Shit happens! And sometimes the shit is ugly shit, like rape. But if we allow the shit to contaminate our life, crippling our relationships, and us; then the shit wins. Don’t let this happen to you…or your fiancée.

If you guys need help getting past this, seek a sex-positive therapist. A good therapist will not let you sabotage the rest of your life with fear, anger, hatred or revenge.

You can’t do anything about the past, but you do have some control over how you will react in the future. Rise above this! It’s the only way to go, my friend.

Name: Rob
Gender: Male
Age: 20
Location: New Orleans
doc. im starting to get into stimulating my prostate. i heard it will give you ground breaking orgasms but i just cant seem to do it correctly. could you please give me some tips about this.. cheers

You betcha! I’m a big fan of prostate massage — as a solitary pleasure or as part ofc771-1.jpg partnered sex play. Because it is something every guy can practice and enjoy. I recommend all us men folk be prostate aware. You probably also know I’m a big advocate of frequent prostate self-exams, right? And I figure while you’re down there rootin’ around in your butt hole checkin’ thing out, spend a little more time and give yourself a nice little massage why don’t ‘cha? Fingers work just fine for this, but an insertable vibrator is…well…out of this world. Prostate massage is a wonderful way to expand your self-pleasuring repertoire, especially for all you guys out there who only know how to yank on your dick for joy. Check out: The “Progasm” Prostate Massager in My Stockroom.

And ladies, prostate massage is a great way to please and pleasure your male partners. Perhaps if your let your guy know that a little butt play can be real fun and it ain’t queer, more straight guys would be less ass-phobic. And I can guarantee that the world would be a much better place.

You can feel your prostate gland by inserting a finger a couple of inches or so into your bum. If you are the least bit aroused your prostate will feel like a smooth rounded flat lump about the size of a large almond. Just in back of and up from your prostate is a smaller triangular wedge shaped nodule that is the bottom portion of your somewhat larger seminal vesicles. This, by the way, is where most of your jizz is produced and stored. Underneath the seminal vesicles are the ampullae, which are tiny reservoirs for your sperm that will mix with all the other fluids produced by the vesicles and your prostate when you cum.

As you become aroused, ejaculatory fluid and sperm accumulate in these glands backing up behind valves in the ejaculatory ducts. When the fluid pressure reaches a high enough threshold, the valves open and the urethral bulb fills, triggering the muscular contractions of your ejaculation. This empties the glands and you, my friend, have just shot your wad. Naturally, if one abstains from ejaculating for a while and prolongs his arousal stage, say like through edging, more fluids will build up, making for a larger load and a more explosive orgasm.

So with that little anatomy lesson behind us, so to speak, we can get back to prostate massage. Ya don’t need nothin’ fancy, simply insert your well-lubricated middle finger or middle finger and index finger into your butt hole and apply a little pressure. Slowly massage your prostate. Try a nice circular motion. Doesn’t that feel yummy? Some men can cum by prostate massage alone. Hell, you may find that you don’t even need a stiff dick to enjoy an orgasm and/or an ejaculation.

Looking for something more advanced? Male Erotic Massage.

Name: matt
Gender: Male
Age: 37
Location: Seattle
I can’t stop going to massage parlors. I go all the time. HJ only there but lots of touching and kissing. I am married and can’t help the need for the excitement. If my wife found out I think she would divorce me. Is this healthy?

Hand jobs, kissing and touching are all very healthy.

But the guilt and shame aren’t healthy, that’s for sure. If you can’t stop a going to the massage parlors, you’re being obsessive; and that’s not healthy. Living a lie and hiding this from your wife isn’t particularly healthy either.

Name: jon
Gender: Male
Age: 18
Location: ca
hi im 18 and i like to finger my ass and use wieners is that good?

Are these cocktail wieners? Hot dogs? Dinner franks? Polish sausage?

Is it good? Gee, I don’t know. I never stuck any kind of wiener up my poop-chute. Why don’t you tell me?

Oh wait; you want to know if it’s ok for you, or anyone, to do this, right? Yeah, I think it’s ok. Just don’t ever invite me to your place for a weenie roast!

Good luck ya’ll

Sex Advice With An Edge — Podcast #26 — 08/13/07

[Look for the podcast play button below.]

Hey sex fans,

I have a really swell show for you today. We have a bunch of kinky questioners from all over the globe. And I respond with an equal number of feisty, friendly and oh so enlightening responses! Hey, it’s what I do.

  • Suzie and her hubby are budding pervs stuck in the heartland.
  • Ramish doesn’t have a clue on how to begin.
  • Fran’s got a Samson and Delilah thing goin’ on!
  • Spencer wants to know more about milking…and not the bovine variety.

BE THERE, OR BE SQUARE!

Today’s podcast is once again bought to you by: DR DICK’S HOW TO VIDEO LIBRARY.

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Pandora Vibrating Silicone Prostate Massager

REVIEW #1

Allow me to introduce you to a handy little vibrating plug that’ll surely put a smile on your face, Pandora Vibrating Silicone Prostate Massager (C554). This unisex toy will jazz up whatever spot you got — G-Spot or P-Spot. Since I’m a proud owner of a P-Spot (prostate), I’ll do my testifyin’ from that particular pew. I’ll let all you G-Spot owners come to your own conclusions.c554.jpgThis here Pandora massager is the perfect utensil for the novice ass raider. Not overly familiar with things pokin’ you in the be-hind? Not to worry, this smooth ergonomic slim-jim will enter with ease. Guys who are used to having big toys in their rosebud will probably be unimpressed with this beginner’s model, but the rest of us will appreciate its modest size.

Anyhow, Pandora has everything you’d expect in a plug. Plus it has this swell hooked end that is designed to hit the spot, if ya catch my drift. And there’s a bonus; it vibrates too. Not all butt plugs do, ya know. There are seven, count them, seven different speeds and pulsations, which makes that little soft hooked end thingy do a happy dance on your P-Spot (or G-Spot). And boy if that don’t make you see the light, nothin’ will.

There is nothing overpowering about this little bugger. Its vibration/pulsation is sweet and gentle, just the thing for the anal-lovin’ trainee. I encourage you to take your time getting to know all the different speeds and pulsations. I found that if I allowed the Zen like vibrations to build as I moved through the different sensations, rather than just throwin’ it into high gear from the get go, there was more joy to be had. Vibration control is found at the base of the unit.

Sex Advice With An Edge — Podcast #02 — 02/19/07

[Look for the podcast play button below.]

Hey sex fans,

This week we visit with

  • Jim from Sidney needs to get a life.
  • Maria gets spooge on her boobs!
  • Sexy Veronica puts down her Chester.
  • Doug recalls a boyhood stiffy.

And finally, a Sexual Enrichment Moment

  • Bottoming Out — 101

BE THERE, OR BE SQUARE!

Dr Dick is now on iTunes. You’ll fine me in the podcast section under the heading — Health, subheading — Sexuality. Search for Dr Dick Sex Advice With An Edge. Don’t forget to subscribe. I don’t want you to miss even one episode.

Slippery When Wet

Getting to the bottom of things, so to speak is not always as easy as it appears at first glance. I’d like to share with you an exchange I’ve been having with very articulate correspondent from Chicago…dr dick’s hometown. Pay attention to how the topic moves from a concern about finding the proper lube to issue of much greater importance.

Hey there Dr. Dick,

I’m a 31 year-old gay guy from Chicago, Illinois, and I’ve been in a completely monogamous relationship with my partner, who is 38, for almost nine years.I consider myself to be on the bottom side of versatile–what can I say? I love it when my guy fucks me! But my partner is never able to cum when he makes love to me because of the lube on his dick. For whatever reason, it desensitizes him, and he’s unable to get off either from fucking or masturbation. We’ve tried various brands of lube, as well as different kinds of lotion, but nothing works.

We’re both HIV- and haven’t used condoms for many years. One of my biggest fantasies is to feel him shoot his load inside of me. Unfortunately, he is unable to get to that point. Furthermore, I hate that I get to cum and he doesn’t. I’ve looked for different kinds of lube online, but to be honest, I just don’t know which one might do the trick. Do you have any suggestions?
Thanks, Dr. Dick,
Daniel

Hey Daniel,

Let me see if I understand what you’re saying. Your partner is unable to ejaculate when he uses either lotion or lube while either masturbating or when fucking you. Right? Does that mean he can masturbate to ejaculation just fine with a dry hand?So when you guys have sex, and he’s fucking you, and you cum, what happens next? Does he pull out of you, wipe off the lube and beat off till he cums?

Daniel, I need a bit more information before I can advise you. I hope you take the time to respond.

dr dick

Thanks for your thoughts on this, Dr. Dick.

That’s right, my partner can’t seem to bring himself to climax using either lotion or lube.He can masturbate to ejaculation with a dry hand. However, I will say that it often takes him a little longer to ejaculate in general, which may just be one of those things that happens to us all sooner or later. He goes wild when I go down on his butt while he masturbates — he usually cums pretty quickly then.

So if there’s no fucking involved, we’ll play around together for awhile, then I’ll concentrate on him until he cums, and then I either jerk off or he’ll jerk me off.

When he’s fucking me, it usually becomes all about me, which I don’t think is very fair, because unless he takes a shower and washes off the lube with soap and water, he can’t cum at all.

He is generally content to just enjoy our love making on these occasions without necessarily having an orgasm. That’s all well and good, but like I said, I don’t think it’s very fair, and I wish I could figure out a solution.

Thanks! Please let me know if you need any more information. I’m looking forward to hearing you’re thoughts on this.
— Daniel

Hello again, Daniel.

This is all very curious. I’d be willing to speculate that what you present here is not merely a wet hand vs. dry hand issue. I took particular note of these comments of yours: “I will say that it often takes him a little longer to ejaculate in general…” “He goes wild when I go down on his butt while he masturbates–he usually cums pretty quickly.” and “… I’ll concentrate on him until he cums…”

https://web.archive.org/web/20241228015123if_/https://i0.wp.com/www.drdicksexadvice.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/a.jpg?ssl=1First, it’s not unusual for a man not to cum as a top in anal (or vaginal) intercourse. Sometimes there’s simply not enough of the right kind of friction. If, for example, your BF is like another client of mine and his masturbation style is very vigorous, or like my client who is only able to cum by concentrating his manual stimulation on his frenulum, he’ll not cum in anal intercourse…or any intercourse for that matter. He has to get himself off by hand.

You say your BF enjoys being rimmed, and this hastens him to orgasm. Does he enjoy any other butt play, like prostate massage? If he does, you guys could try something like this. You eat his ass while he is masturbating on his back. Using a small vibrating dildo stimulate his prostate. As he approaches ejaculatory inevitability add lube to his dick, straddle him and sit on his dick.This may sound like a whole lot of work, and it may very well be. My suspicion is that your BF has, for whatever reason, talked himself out of every cuming in your ass and the lack of success with traditional anal intercourse has reinforced that. However, if you can help him break down his resistance with a fucking success, some positive reinforcement might turn the tide.

I hasten to add that if what I describe above interferes with spontaneity of your sex play, you may just want to enjoy the sex as you already have it.

Good Luck!

Now that’s really interesting, Doc.
My partner is a bit vigorous when he masturbates, and that’s how he finally gets off 100% of the time. I can’t think of a single other instance when that wasn’t the case. But I just suddenly remembered something he told me a long time ago about his first sexual experience with a dude.

My partner was receiving a blowjob, and as he was cumming, he farted. Now, that particular fart was certainly unfortunately timed — and probably the result of the relaxation that comes with an orgasm — but now I wonder whether or not, way back when, something psychological occurred. I would certainly speculate that switching to masturbation as he’s getting close might not be some kind of mechanism to shift the focus from down there to somewhere else, if you see what I mean.

We’ve never tried any other kind of ass play. I fuck him sometimes, which he enjoys. But we’ve never been much for toys or anything like that. I did get him a latex dildo as a joke one Christmas — nicknamed Gloria, for some reason — but I think I played with that when I masturbated alone more often than when we were having sex. Anyway, Gloria’s gone now — it slowly turned a funny yellow color so we tossed it. A small vibrator sounds like a fun idea…I know I’d use it at the very least!I’m always a little disappointed when our love making isn’t as successful as I’d like it to be, but I’m always careful not to show it, because my partner genuinely feels that he’s not great in the sack — which is nonsense (it really is nonsense).

Sex is always great, and especially between two people who love each other like we do. That sounds a bit trite, but we’re always laughing and doing silly stuff when we’re in bed together, and generally having fun, and I think we communicate well too.I have to admit, we’re not as spontaneous as we would like when it comes to sex. I’m going to go out on a limb and say that lots of couples fall into this trap where the events of the day — work, school for me, dinner, paying bills, answering emails and phone calls, surfing the Internet, booking travel, etc. — gets the better of us, and before you know it, everyone’s tired and ready to fall asleep as soon as their head hits the pillow.

Sometimes, though, if my partner is home when I get home, we’ll find ourselves lying on the bed playing with the cats. When they get fed up with our antics, we usually joke around with each other, talking, laughing, which may or may not lead to sex. It’s great when it does. Other times, especially at night when we’re getting in bed, one or both of us might be horny and we’ll have sex. Many times, I’ll be in the mood but not him, and I’ll jerk off while he rubs my balls and my chest, or he’ll jerk me off, and then go to sleep. That’s about as spontaneous as it gets for us.

Sexual spontaneity is definitely something we both know we need to work on. I’d love to have one of those moments where we have to leave dinner, jump in a cab, and get home ASAP, because we’re so worked up that we gotta jump in bed and play!

— Daniel

Daniel,

Thank you so much for all of this. It’s brilliant. Sounds like you have an exceptionally enviable relationship. Also sounds like you have plenty of room for spicing things up too.It’s so interesting that you mention your BF’s fart incident. I’ve had other people tell me similar stories. Almost to the one, each reported that this single fart incident during sex, altered their entire sexual response cycle for years. Isn’t that amazing? Aren’t we incredible creatures?

All the best,

Dr Dick