Low libido, intercourse pain, orgasm problems?

— Sexual-health doctors are trying to help

Some Canadian doctors aim to address what they call near-total lack of support for women’s sexual health

By Brandie Weikle

A small number of Canadian doctors specializing in women’s sexual health are trying to address what they say is a near-total lack of support for those suffering from common problems such as low libido, difficulty achieving orgasm and pain during intercourse.

“In terms of the juxtaposition with men’s sexual functioning, we are behind and it’s really frustrating,” said Dr. Stephanie Finn of Oakville, Ont.

Finn is one of five Canadian doctors trained by the International Society for the Study of Women’s Sexual Health (ISSWSH), based in Burnsville, Minn.

While help for male sexual dysfunction has been widely available since erectile dysfunction drug Viagra burst onto the scene — approved for use in Canada in 1999 — women’s sexual health has remained largely shrouded in secrecy.

“When’s the last time your doctor has asked you about your clitoris? Like never, and that’s fascinating, right? We ask men all the time about their penises and their function, sexual functioning and such,” she told White Coat, Black Art.

I think that there is generally a lack everywhere of interest in women’s sexual functioning, and I’m happy to say that I think that’s beginning to change.”

A woman stands in front of an exam chair in a doctor's office.
Dr. Stephanie Finn is a family doctor focusing on women’s sexual medicine.

Originally a family doctor, Finn found that so many of her female patients needed help with sexual issues that she decided to focus on sexual medicine, opening her clinic about a year ago.

Part of that work is simply teaching women about their bodies, she says.

“It is really common for women to have almost no understanding of their own anatomy,” Finn said.

“I’ve had women who really haven’t a good idea about where their clitoris is. I’ve had people say, ‘Oh, I’ve always wondered,’ and sometimes I’m slightly surprised by that response in women who are in their 50s.”

Finn offers her patients the option of holding a mirror while she gives them a guided tour of their genitalia. Or she’ll use a 3D model to show patients things such as how the clitoris is actually a wishbone-shaped organ, with only the clitoral bulb visible externally.

An illustration of the parts of the vulva.
Parts of the vulva.

A study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine in 2023 found that the bulb has around 10,000 nerve endings. That’s compared to about 7,800 at the tip of the penis, according to a paper published in the same journal in February.

A culture of shame

Some of that knowledge gap and reluctance among women to seek help for sexual-health issues is tied to cultural shame, says Dr. Stephanie Hart from Okotoks, Alta., another ISSWSH-trained family doctor.

In North America, vaginas are dirty. Like, I actually had somebody say that to me yesterday,” said Hart, who opened her specialized clinic in 2019.

For some women, that’s simply because they are grossed out by bodily fluids, including those that come out of the vagina, she says.

An exam chair inside a doctor's office.
A chair used for gynecological exams in Finn’s clinic. Many women are uncomfortable with speaking openly about sexual health.

But for others, it’s a morality issue: “You know, ‘sex is shameful.’ That’s a very common attitude that I see people [have]. And kind of unsurprising that people would then have sexual dysfunction when they feel that way about it.”

Despite people’s difficulty talking about their sex lives, these clinics are busy. Hart says she sees 250 new patients every year in her practice, 75 to 80 per cent of them being women, but is referred around 400.

“So every six months, I’m another three months behind.”

Finn said she sees about 15 new patients every week at her Oakville clinic.

A model of a vulva.
Finn often shows her patients a model of a vulva to help familiarize them with their own anatomy.

Most Canadian women do not have access to a doctor who specializes in sexual health. Existing clinics where women have traditionally sought care for sexual health are focused on contraception and infection, says Hart.

These kinds of clinics refer patients to her when they bring up difficulties like pain during sex or low libido, Hart says, as do specialists such as gynecologists.

Help for low libido

Carolina Jara, 57, says she used to be a very sexual person, but since menopause, her libido has tanked.

“My libido went somewhere. I don’t know, maybe back home,” joked Jara, who is originally from Peru but lives in Vancouver.

She says she’s worried about how that can impact her relationship with her husband of eight years. And that part is not a laughing matter.

A close-up of a woman with white earrings and a red top.
Carolina Jara, 57, says she used to be a very sexual person — but now, she is suffering from low libido.

“He still wants it, but I don’t get ignited, I don’t get an orgasm for many years. So it feels more like a duty, more than something that I enjoy.”

There are two medications approved for use in Canada that can be used to increase sexual desire in women: a pill called flibanserin, and a self-injectable called bremelanotide.

Unlike Viagra, which is used on an as-needed basis and acts by increasing blood flow to the penis, both of these drugs impact the brain chemicals that influence mood and sexual appetite. Flibanserin must be taken daily and has been shown to have serious potential side effects.

A pink pill is seen on a piece of paper that shows part of the Sprout Pharmaceuticals logo.
Flibanserin, pictured above, is one of two medications approved in Canada that can be used to increase sexual desire in women.

Critics have argued that libido problems are more a matter of mismatch between the sexual appetites of partners that would be better addressed with relationship counselling.

A non-medical tool for addressing low libido or difficulty achieving orgasm is a class of sex toys sometimes referred to as clitoral suction devices.

“We have wonderful studies actually now showing improved clitoral blood flow and pelvic floor blood flow using these devices,” Finn said. “We know they can make a huge difference for women when they are attempting to achieve orgasm.”

Pain during sex

But sexual-health issues are by no means the exclusive domain of older women, says Finn, whose patients range in age from teenagers to octogenarians.

Talia Steele, 34, suffered for years from pain during sex, stemming from a series of problems that started with a common urinary tract infection.

Woman with shoulder-length curly hair smiles at the camera.
Talia Steele says she had some early negative experiences with male doctors and felt her problems weren’t treated with sensitivity.

Eventually she got surgery to address the issues. But all the poking and prodding, and her history of painful sex, has had lasting effects.

“There’s always that bit of anxiety, never being able to be fully in the moment, always in your head about what’s going on,” said Steele, who is married and also lives in Vancouver.

“Even though I don’t have that pain, those feelings and thoughts still enter my brain at times, and it can be challenging to try new things or come out of my comfort zone.”

Greater Victoria’s Sex Lady discusses sexual health and how teaching it has evolved

One of the challenges with getting care for women’s sexual-health issues is that there’s no established medical specialty for them.

“You take these women with pain [during] sex, for example, and you send them to the gynecologist who would say, ‘Well, it’s not endometriosis,’” Hart said. That might be the end of the road if the doctor doesn’t know about other options that might help.

Hart says she’s on a mission to teach other doctors how to help, starting with asking patients the right questions.

“Like, actually ask if somebody has pain with sex and then know what to do about it if the person says yes. Because patients won’t always volunteer the information if they don’t know that there’s something that can be done.”

Complete Article HERE!

Sexual fantasies

— Should you share them with a partner?

Your brain is your best sexual partner.

By , &

The actor Gillian Anderson has just released a book of sexual fantasies. Titled Want, it catalogues a diverse range of fantasies submitted anonymously by women from around the world, writes Dr Jade Elliott, senior lecturer in psychology at Liverpool John Moores University et al.

It is not the first to do so. In 1973, American author Nancy Friday published My Secret Garden, a volume that provoked fierce debate at the time and is now considered to be an important milestone in the sex-positive movement. Each book gives a fascinating snapshot of women’s relationships with their own sexuality at a different moment in history.

Though attitudes, vocabulary and specific fantasy content have undoubtedly changed in the intervening half-century, there are striking similarities between the books. This is not only true of the subject matter — workplace flings and group sex are apparently timelessly appealing — but also of how people feel about their fantasies. Shame, in particular, continues to loom large in many women’s feelings about their own erotic imaginings.

Past research indicates that most adults (of all genders) experience sexual fantasies, suggesting many of us have grappled with the question of whether to tell a partner about ours. Over the past four years, we have been conducting research that explores this question: how do people decide whether to disclose their sexual fantasies – and what happens when they do?

An act of closeness

The women featured in both My Secret Garden and Want vary considerably in the degree to which they have chosen to share their fantasies with a partner. Some describe passionate relationships enhanced by the disclosure and enactment of erotic fantasies, while others intend to take their favourite fantasy to the grave.

We were interested in understanding the psychology of such radically different approaches. In a study published earlier this year in The Journal of Sex Research, we asked 287 people to reflect on a recent or prominent sexual fantasy. We found that over 69% of participants had previously disclosed their fantasy to a partner. Of those, more than 80% found this to be a positive experience.

Unsurprisingly, participants commonly cited sexual desire as their main reason for opening up. For example, many said they had shared their fantasy with a partner in the hope that they could act it out together. Others reported that they found talking about sexual fantasies arousing, or that discussing secret desires allowed them to learn more about their partner.

Several participants explained that they valued honesty and openness and that the level of trust and commitment in their relationship made them feel safe to share their fantasy with their partner.

Not all reasons for disclosing fantasies were positive, however. Some said they disclosed their fantasy in a last-ditch attempt to spice up an unsatisfying sex life.

The power of shame

Among the group who had chosen not to share their fantasy, many cited its content as the primary reason. Consistent with accounts in both My Secret Garden and Want, several of our participants were ashamed of their fantasy, or felt it to be too extreme or taboo to share with their partner.

Some — especially those whose partners had not responded well to similar conversations in the past — were worried they would receive a negative response that could cause problems for their relationship. We also heard from several people who explained that, put simply, their fantasies were private joys that they had no desire or intention to discuss with anyone.

In a series of follow-up studies yet to be published, we explored some of these ideas in more depth. One important finding is that relationship traits are a key predictor of whether a person will disclose their fantasy. For example, disclosure was more likely in relationships that already involved large amounts of sexual novelty and exploration.

We also confirmed that the content of a fantasy is critical to a person’s decision about whether to share it. Anything that is likely to be considered unacceptable by a partner or is otherwise potentially threatening to the relationship (such as a move away from monogamy), is unlikely to be disclosed. Indeed, even among participants who had previously shared a fantasy, we found over half also had at least one more that they were unwilling to divulge.

While our findings suggest that people who choose to tell their partner about their erotic daydreams usually get a good response, we also found that the process by which people reach that decision can be complicated. Some people have very good reasons for keeping their fantasy to themselves.

Hopefully, Want will help to reduce some of the shame associated with the very common experience of fantasising about sex. But its similarities to a book published 50 years earlier suggest we may still have a long way to go.

Complete Article HERE!

I’ve been studying sexual fantasies for over a decade

— Here are the most common

By

What can turn you on with just a thought? Is there a specific genre of erotica you always gravitate towards? What pops into your head when you’re in the mood?

Gillian Anderson’s new book, Want, reveals the deepest desires held by women around the world, categorising the 174 anonymous personal essays into chapters like ‘To Be Worshipped’ and ‘The Watchers and the Watched’.

The stories included in the collection range from daydreams of lesbian exploration and office romances to altogether more niche imaginings such as having a three-way with the Weasley twins from Harry Potter – but there are common threads that run throughout.

‘What is very revealing are the areas that we are the same,’ the Sex Education star said in a recent interview. ‘No matter the fantasy, the takeaway is the need for intimacy, the need to be desired, to be seen, a desire to be held, to be comforted, to be safe.’

It seems fantasies are at the forefront of many of our minds right now too, as this work coincides with a recent report from The Kinsey Institute looking into the bedroom habits of people around the world.

Alongside dating app Feeld, the survey of over 3,000 people uncovered more about how different generations view monogamy, how often people have sex, and how common kinks are among different age groups. And there’s even more that can be gleaned from speaking to Kinsey’s sexuality experts.

Dr Justin Lehmiller is a research fellow at the renowned institute, and has studied sexual fantasies for more than a decade, speaking to more than 10,000 people throughout his career to work out what gets humanity going.

‘One of the things I’ve discovered are that there are at least three key things that almost everyone fantasises about at one time or another,’ he tells Metro.co.uk.

Group sex

According to Justin’s surveys, a whopping 95% of men and 87% of women have fantasised about sex with more than one person, but men do so at a much greater frequency compared to women.

He says: ‘Also, which is kind of surprising to a lot of people, these fantasies are actually least common among young adults and most common among people in their 40s and 50s.’

Part of the allure of multi-partner sex is ‘wanting to feel overwhelming desired’, as evidenced by the fact that ‘most people picture themselves as being the centre of attention in their group sex fantasies.’

‘Another reason people find this idea attractive is that it just opens up a lot of new possibilities for sexual exploration, such as trying new positions and activities or exploring same-sex/gender attractions,’ Justin adds.

Kink and BDSM

Nowadays, BDSM is no longer the preserve of dominatrixes (and their clients). If anything, the likes of 50 Shades of Grey have contributed to submission and domination becoming downright mainstream in 2024.

Justin explains: ‘In my research, I find that 96% of women and 93% of men have had a kinky fantasy before – but it’s important to note that women fantasise about BDSM far more often than men.

In the Feeld State of Dating Report, the majority of Gen Z reported these types of desires, a figure that declines with each age group (only 12% of baby boomers said the same).

‘Part of the reason that Gen Z might be kinkier is that they have greater access to porn than any previous generation, and much of the porn that’s out there features elements of kink,’ says Justin.

‘But it’s not just about porn. Gen Z is also the most stressed and anxious generation, and kink/BDSM can be an adaptive way of coping with anxiety because it helps to take you out of your head and into the moment.’

Adventurous sex

Adventurous sex – having sex in new and exciting places, such as on a beach or in some other exotic location – features in the fantasies of 97% of people.

Justin comments: ‘Like multi-partner sex, novelty fantasies are also most popular among mid-life adults. This may be because most people at this age are in long-term monogamous relationships and are looking for ways to spice things up.’

He surmises that the younger generation are less likely to fantasise about novelty, in part, because sex itself is still fairly new for them.

‘They don’t necessarily need as many bells and whistles to keep things exciting because they’re less likely to have settled into sexual ruts and routines,’ adds Justin.

Fantasies that are more common than you might think

As well as the desires the vast majority of people share, certain sexual fantasies which may be considered ‘taboo’ are surprisingly popular.

Public sex

Practises like dogging may not be societally prevalent, but doing it in view of others is a major theme when it comes to our innermost desires, with 81% of men and 84% of women having fantasised about it.

Justin says: ‘The appeal of these fantasies often resides in the thrill that accompanies potentially being caught or observed – in other words, the taboo and risk-taking aspect of public sex heightens excitement for many.

‘However, for some, it’s also about having an exhibitionistic streak and deriving gratification from knowing that others are watching you have sex, and enjoying it.’

Many of these fantasies are just that, and won’t end up being enacted in real life. That said, if you do decide to give this a go, please keep decency laws (and general etiquette) in mind.

Cuckolding

The idea of watching a partner have sex with someone else, known as cuckolding, is doubly popular with men than women; 52% and 26% have had this fantasy, respectively.

‘The numbers are even higher among gay, lesbian, and bisexual adults, perhaps because they do not feel as bound to notions of traditional relationships,’ Justin adds.

There’s been an increase in online searches for cuckolding in recent years, suggesting it’s becoming more widespread.

This could be connected to the rise in kink, as some people find it connotes a submissive or masochistic sexual role, but Justin says that for others, it’s merely a fantasy of ‘taking pleasure in your partner’s pleasure and seeing your partner being fully satisfied.’

Complete Article HERE!

Sex Advice With An Edge — Podcast #90 — 12/01/08

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I have a whopper of a show for you today. We return to our usual question and answer format this week, because I have a steamy load of stimulating questions from all overt the freakin’ place. And I respond with an equal number of cheeky, charming and oh so enlightening responses! Hey, it’s what I do.

  • Joe wants to know about Hepatitis-B and cock sucking.
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BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

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Sex Advice With An Edge — Podcast #46 — 01/14/08

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Hey sex fans,

I have a might big load of thought-provoking questions from the sexually worrisome. And I respond with an equal number of dazzling, charming and oh so informative responses! Hey, it’s what I do.

  • Seattle Guy has way too many questions, some of which are the wrong ones.
  • Dan and Rebecca wanna cum together.
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BE THERE, OR BE SQUARE!

Sex Advice With An Edge — Podcast #43 — 12/10/07

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Hey sex fans,

I have a really delicious show for you today. We have a big load of stimulating questions from all over the globe. And I respond with an equal number of stunning, cheeky and oh so informative responses! Hey, it’s what I do.

  • Wondering is wondering about many things to do with her pussy!
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Sex Advice With An Edge — Podcast #09 — 04/09/07

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I have a great show for you today and it has a very international flair. We have correspondents from all over the globe…and LA! —

  • Hiroshi, from Japan, is no fan of lace curtains.
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And finally, a Sexual Enrichment Moment

  • Finessing That Ass Fuck — A Tutorial For a Top

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Sex Advice With An Edge — Podcast #07 — 03/26/07

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Hey sex fans,

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  • Allie wants to give it up…for the first time.
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  • Beginning Sex Play — Tips and Techniques

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Dr Dick is now on iTunes and SexAudia.com. On iTunes, you’ll fine me in the podcast section under the heading — Health, subheading — Sexuality. Or search for Dr Dick Sex Advice With An Edge. And don’t forget to subscribe. I don’t want you to miss even one episode.

Sex Advice With An Edge — Podcast #06 — 03/19/07

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Hey sex fans,

This week we have a slew of written submissions —

  • Roxy is a cock in a frock and his marriage is on the rock-s!
  • Young Pete is queer, and his yahoo family hates fags.
  • Gwen is over the hump, but still wants to hump.

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  • Suppressing the Gag Reflex!

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Dr Dick is now on iTunes. You’ll fine me in the podcast section under the heading — Health, subheading — Sexuality. Or search for Dr Dick Sex Advice With An Edge. And don’t forget to subscribe. I don’t want you to miss even one episode.

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Sex Advice With An Edge — Podcast #02 — 02/19/07

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Hey sex fans,

This week we visit with

  • Jim from Sidney needs to get a life.
  • Maria gets spooge on her boobs!
  • Sexy Veronica puts down her Chester.
  • Doug recalls a boyhood stiffy.

And finally, a Sexual Enrichment Moment

  • Bottoming Out — 101

BE THERE, OR BE SQUARE!

Dr Dick is now on iTunes. You’ll fine me in the podcast section under the heading — Health, subheading — Sexuality. Search for Dr Dick Sex Advice With An Edge. Don’t forget to subscribe. I don’t want you to miss even one episode.