Low libido, intercourse pain, orgasm problems?

— Sexual-health doctors are trying to help

Some Canadian doctors aim to address what they call near-total lack of support for women’s sexual health

By Brandie Weikle

A small number of Canadian doctors specializing in women’s sexual health are trying to address what they say is a near-total lack of support for those suffering from common problems such as low libido, difficulty achieving orgasm and pain during intercourse.

“In terms of the juxtaposition with men’s sexual functioning, we are behind and it’s really frustrating,” said Dr. Stephanie Finn of Oakville, Ont.

Finn is one of five Canadian doctors trained by the International Society for the Study of Women’s Sexual Health (ISSWSH), based in Burnsville, Minn.

While help for male sexual dysfunction has been widely available since erectile dysfunction drug Viagra burst onto the scene — approved for use in Canada in 1999 — women’s sexual health has remained largely shrouded in secrecy.

“When’s the last time your doctor has asked you about your clitoris? Like never, and that’s fascinating, right? We ask men all the time about their penises and their function, sexual functioning and such,” she told White Coat, Black Art.

I think that there is generally a lack everywhere of interest in women’s sexual functioning, and I’m happy to say that I think that’s beginning to change.”

A woman stands in front of an exam chair in a doctor's office.
Dr. Stephanie Finn is a family doctor focusing on women’s sexual medicine.

Originally a family doctor, Finn found that so many of her female patients needed help with sexual issues that she decided to focus on sexual medicine, opening her clinic about a year ago.

Part of that work is simply teaching women about their bodies, she says.

“It is really common for women to have almost no understanding of their own anatomy,” Finn said.

“I’ve had women who really haven’t a good idea about where their clitoris is. I’ve had people say, ‘Oh, I’ve always wondered,’ and sometimes I’m slightly surprised by that response in women who are in their 50s.”

Finn offers her patients the option of holding a mirror while she gives them a guided tour of their genitalia. Or she’ll use a 3D model to show patients things such as how the clitoris is actually a wishbone-shaped organ, with only the clitoral bulb visible externally.

An illustration of the parts of the vulva.
Parts of the vulva.

A study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine in 2023 found that the bulb has around 10,000 nerve endings. That’s compared to about 7,800 at the tip of the penis, according to a paper published in the same journal in February.

A culture of shame

Some of that knowledge gap and reluctance among women to seek help for sexual-health issues is tied to cultural shame, says Dr. Stephanie Hart from Okotoks, Alta., another ISSWSH-trained family doctor.

In North America, vaginas are dirty. Like, I actually had somebody say that to me yesterday,” said Hart, who opened her specialized clinic in 2019.

For some women, that’s simply because they are grossed out by bodily fluids, including those that come out of the vagina, she says.

An exam chair inside a doctor's office.
A chair used for gynecological exams in Finn’s clinic. Many women are uncomfortable with speaking openly about sexual health.

But for others, it’s a morality issue: “You know, ‘sex is shameful.’ That’s a very common attitude that I see people [have]. And kind of unsurprising that people would then have sexual dysfunction when they feel that way about it.”

Despite people’s difficulty talking about their sex lives, these clinics are busy. Hart says she sees 250 new patients every year in her practice, 75 to 80 per cent of them being women, but is referred around 400.

“So every six months, I’m another three months behind.”

Finn said she sees about 15 new patients every week at her Oakville clinic.

A model of a vulva.
Finn often shows her patients a model of a vulva to help familiarize them with their own anatomy.

Most Canadian women do not have access to a doctor who specializes in sexual health. Existing clinics where women have traditionally sought care for sexual health are focused on contraception and infection, says Hart.

These kinds of clinics refer patients to her when they bring up difficulties like pain during sex or low libido, Hart says, as do specialists such as gynecologists.

Help for low libido

Carolina Jara, 57, says she used to be a very sexual person, but since menopause, her libido has tanked.

“My libido went somewhere. I don’t know, maybe back home,” joked Jara, who is originally from Peru but lives in Vancouver.

She says she’s worried about how that can impact her relationship with her husband of eight years. And that part is not a laughing matter.

A close-up of a woman with white earrings and a red top.
Carolina Jara, 57, says she used to be a very sexual person — but now, she is suffering from low libido.

“He still wants it, but I don’t get ignited, I don’t get an orgasm for many years. So it feels more like a duty, more than something that I enjoy.”

There are two medications approved for use in Canada that can be used to increase sexual desire in women: a pill called flibanserin, and a self-injectable called bremelanotide.

Unlike Viagra, which is used on an as-needed basis and acts by increasing blood flow to the penis, both of these drugs impact the brain chemicals that influence mood and sexual appetite. Flibanserin must be taken daily and has been shown to have serious potential side effects.

A pink pill is seen on a piece of paper that shows part of the Sprout Pharmaceuticals logo.
Flibanserin, pictured above, is one of two medications approved in Canada that can be used to increase sexual desire in women.

Critics have argued that libido problems are more a matter of mismatch between the sexual appetites of partners that would be better addressed with relationship counselling.

A non-medical tool for addressing low libido or difficulty achieving orgasm is a class of sex toys sometimes referred to as clitoral suction devices.

“We have wonderful studies actually now showing improved clitoral blood flow and pelvic floor blood flow using these devices,” Finn said. “We know they can make a huge difference for women when they are attempting to achieve orgasm.”

Pain during sex

But sexual-health issues are by no means the exclusive domain of older women, says Finn, whose patients range in age from teenagers to octogenarians.

Talia Steele, 34, suffered for years from pain during sex, stemming from a series of problems that started with a common urinary tract infection.

Woman with shoulder-length curly hair smiles at the camera.
Talia Steele says she had some early negative experiences with male doctors and felt her problems weren’t treated with sensitivity.

Eventually she got surgery to address the issues. But all the poking and prodding, and her history of painful sex, has had lasting effects.

“There’s always that bit of anxiety, never being able to be fully in the moment, always in your head about what’s going on,” said Steele, who is married and also lives in Vancouver.

“Even though I don’t have that pain, those feelings and thoughts still enter my brain at times, and it can be challenging to try new things or come out of my comfort zone.”

Greater Victoria’s Sex Lady discusses sexual health and how teaching it has evolved

One of the challenges with getting care for women’s sexual-health issues is that there’s no established medical specialty for them.

“You take these women with pain [during] sex, for example, and you send them to the gynecologist who would say, ‘Well, it’s not endometriosis,’” Hart said. That might be the end of the road if the doctor doesn’t know about other options that might help.

Hart says she’s on a mission to teach other doctors how to help, starting with asking patients the right questions.

“Like, actually ask if somebody has pain with sex and then know what to do about it if the person says yes. Because patients won’t always volunteer the information if they don’t know that there’s something that can be done.”

Complete Article HERE!

More SEX WISDOM from Ruth Neustifter — Podcast #255 – 01/12/11

[Look for the podcast play button below.]

Hey sex fans, welcome back!

My good friend and esteemed colleague, Dr. Ruthie is here again today for more of her signature SEX WISDOM. Gosh, I’m so glad she’s able to join us again, because I had so much fun with her last Wednesday. We were chattin’ up a storm, like it was old home week, when I realized our time together had run out. So I had to beg her to please come back for another round this week. It’s just no fair not gettin my fill of this extraordinary sex educator.

But wait, you didn’t miss Part 1 of this delightful conversation, which appeared here last week at this time did you? Well not to worry if ya did, because you can find it and all my podcasts in the Podcast Archive right here on my site. All ya gotta do is use the search function in the header; type in Podcast #253 and Voilà! But don’t forget the #sign when you do your search.

Dr. Ruthie and I discuss:

  • Sex and disability;
  • Stress reduction techniques for better sex;
  • Sex toys and sexual wellbeing;
  • Her association with Funwares;
  • Her YouTube channel;
  • Teenage sexuality;
  • Searching for sex-positive and kink-positive healing and helping professionals;
  • Her surprising inspirations and sexual heroes;
  • Advice for the aspiring sex educator.

Click on the book art below to buy The Nice Girl’s Guide to Talking Dirty.

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Look for my podcasts on iTunes. You’ll find me in the podcast section, obviously, or just search for Dr Dick Sex Advice. And don’t forget to subscribe. I wouldn’t want you to miss even one episode.

Know Thyself!

It’s 2006 people! The internet impacts on nearly every aspect of our lives. We have more immediate access to more specific information about every conceivable thing under the sun — an access and availability unparalleled in history. We have the collective knowledge of all humankind at our fingertips, both literally and figuratively. Despite this super-available wealth of information, many of us still live in the dark when it comes to our bodies and how they work. We are uninformed about our anatomy, unaware of the mechanics that make us tic, and oblivious to our own sexual response cycle. This sort of ignorance and estrangement leads to all sorts of troubles.

Hi Richard
I really only had my first male sexual encounter in September (which I enjoyed!). We tried oral. He was cut and I’m not. I didn’t enjoy receiving it though as the head my dick is sensitive to the point of being sore when the foreskin is pulled all the way back. I only do that in the shower when I’m cleaning down there. When I self-pleasure, I do it in a way that the foreskin never goes full back, just halfway. I’m not sure if this is a common problem with uncut men.
I do like the idea of anal sex and I’m looking for a patient top for my first time. But I’m just worried about the whole sensation and preparation, etc.
Wayne

Wow, Wayne, new to gay sex, huh? I’m glad to hear that you’re enjoying yourself. Yes, the prospects of fully enjoying your newfound sexual interests must hold great allure. Congratulations!

As to your issue of your hypersensitive dick head — let’s just say that’s part of the joy of having an uncut dick. Many uncut men report similar sensitivity, especially when they haven’t had a lot of partnered sex. Some of the discomfort will dissipate on its own with the more cock-play you have. However, you can also hasten the desensitization process by retracting your foreskin and leaving your unsheathed dick in your underwear for an hour or so at a time. You could also try masturbating with your foreskin completely retracted. This will, no doubt, feel a bit odd and perhaps even uncomfortable at first, but like I said, this will subside. The object of these exercises is to take the edge off, so to speak. You don’t need to concern yourself with thoughts of total desensitization — there’s no likelihood of that happening. But you do want to get to a point where you can enjoy some great head without worrying that you will be sore afterward. You might also want to encourage your cock sucking friends to be especially careful when they’re chowin’ down on your tender meat.

In anticipation of finding that patient top you seek; you can prepare yourself, and your asshole, for the enjoyment to come. During your own private sex play — masturbation — be sure to include your sphincter and prostate. Familiarize yourself with your whole hole-area. Use your fingers and/or a small dildo to test the waters, so to speak. Take your time and use lots of lube. Don’t be afraid to experiment and push the limits a bit. The more that you know about your own ass, the more you will be able to inform future partners on how best to pleasure you.

You might want to experiment with douches too. Over the counter stuff is ok, but a simple solution of warm water and a bit of vinegar or lemon juice works even better. It’s cheaper too. When it comes to fucking, a clean ass is a happy ass. Remember when you bottom, your anal hygiene is your responsibility. The more you know about anal health and hygiene, before you give up your ass for the first time, the more likely both you and your top will enjoy yourselves.

Good luck

Hi again Richard
I appreciate you taking time to answer my questions and for the advice you’ve given me. I still think an uncut cock is a curse though! LOL Each time I read your suggestion about rolling back my foreskin, I have to cross my legs. So I just need to get over that. 🙂
I will try a dildo and some lube for exploration. The nearest I have come so far is to try a finger wrapped in tissue paper. The reason this worried me was because even after a BM, sometimes it caused gas to be released and once or twice even “forced” another movement.
When being topped, does the cock go past the “squishy” muscle that I can feel with my finger? And how would one apply a water and lemon juice solution?
Wayne

Hello again, Wayne,

You’ll never convince me that an uncut dick is a liability. I firmly believe that, in most circumstances, body parts are best left in their natural state.

Learning to care for an uncut dick is something else indeed. There are plenty of resources on the internet for uncut men like you. I suggest doing a search with word strings like: Sex Information or Health Information and Uncircumcised. You’ll be pleasantly surprised with the wealth of information available.

One word of caution, have your wits about you when reading through the information you find on the net. For example, you will probably notice that the American medical industry has a very strong bias toward circumcision. For some reason, our culture would prefer to mutilate a cock instead of teaching the cock’s owner, be it boy-child or grown-up man, how to care for and clean his pecker in its natural state.

Wait a minute; you’re wrapping your finger in toilet paper before sticking it in you ass? That can’t be fun or comfortable. Listen, partner, your ass is your friend, it’s the source of loads of pleasure. Shit also comes out of your ass, but it’s not the end of the world if you get a bit of it on your finger during exploration. It’s soap-and-water soluble, ya know. Rootin’ around in your bum or someone else’s bum can and often does produce some interesting byproduct. No surprise there, it’s an asshole after all.

Washing your hands after butt play, as well as keeping them away from your mouth until they are washed, will help keep things sanitary. May I suggest you get a copy of: Anal Pleasure and Health: A Guide for Men and Women by Jack Morin, Ph.D. It’s an excellent primer for the anal novice. You can find it online.

My, you are uninformed about your own anatomy. The squishy muscle you speak of is your sphincter muscle. And yes, one would hope that a top’s dick would go past that muscle to at least the depth where his cock can stimulate your prostate. Unclear on where your prostate is? You’ll find plenty of information online about that too. Do a search with word strings like: Prostate and Health Information and Anatomy.

Here’s some more homework for you. Do and internet search using the words: Anal Douche. You will find all the information you need about the care and cleaning of your asshole. You’ll also find a vast array of implements designed for just this purpose. Have a ball!

Good luck

Dr. Dick,
Please help me. I am an attractive 21-year-old guy. I have no problems with meeting women nor do I have a low libido, the problem is that I suffer from hemorrhoids. This is really embarrassing as I don’t even let a girl touch my ass. And you know how girls like to play with a guy’s ass these days. I know there are cures for hemorrhoids, but none have worked and my doctor said it is useless to cure them because anal sex will cause their return. Please, please help…I am dying of frustration and fear.
Regards,
Jay

Dear Jay,

You are not alone. Many men and women suffer from hemorrhoids and, as you say, it can be frustrating, even embarrassing. But there is hope.

The first thing you ought do is look for another physician. If you are accurately reporting your doctor’s comments about butt fucking and hemorrhoids then he’s got a problem. What he told you is simply not true. You needn’t live a life of frustration and fear just because you have an ass-phobic doctor.

Do an internet search with word strings like: Hemorrhoids and Health Information and Anal Sex.

It’s hard for me to imagine a case of hemorrhoids so bad that it couldn’t be helped or cured by one of the many new and sophisticated therapies and interventions currently available. And with regard to butt fucking, there are many people who would believe that light anal stimulation can actually help relieve and even prevent hemorrhoids from reoccurring.

So do yourself a favor. Get a second opinion, a third if necessary. Find a sex-positive doctor. You can even do an internet search for Sex Positive Doctors. Or you can get a referral from a local gay hotline. Or look for a proctologist at a local university hospital. You’re more likely to find an open-minded practitioner there.

Your current physician has given you very poor advice indeed. He has done you a great disservice. Don’t let him have the last word.

Good Luck,
dr. dick